The Sea and The Rhythm
by Transatlanta
Summary: Life is the only thing that gets in the way. Ryrissa
1. Tonight, we're the sea

**The Sea and The Rhythm**

_Disclaimer- I don't own The O.C._

_A/N- Hey everyone! Of course, I could not resist the urge to write a Ryrissa fanfic after the Dearly Beloved. This is the first chapter, I have a lot more done so far, so if you guys like it I'll post more later! Thanks!_

Ryan stood up from his bed and reached over to the lamp, pulling its chord and illuminating the room. The time on his clock read 12:30, and he doubted he'd gotten much more than half an hour of sleep the entire night. He kept fading in and out, trying to ease the twisting knots that tightened inside of him. Every time he would achieve peace, on the verge of falling asleep, it surfaced in his mind again. The muddy colors of the room were just as vivid as they had been two nights ago, when he was lying on its floor. Splashes of blood traveled across the inside of his eyelids, followed by his brother's unmoving body. He tried a countless number of times to let the pain drop, but the anxiety wouldn't quit.

He pulled a wife beater over his head and walked over to the bathroom, splashing cold water onto his face. In the mirror, all he could see were the sullen traces of concern pressed into his eyes. He wiped the dripping water with a washcloth, and began to feel a salty sensation developing inside his tear ducts. Scrunching his face with determined restraint, he weakly banged his fist against the wall, and dropped his head to the floor. With little conviction, he walked out of the bathroom and down the steps to the large glass doors surrounding the pool house.

Crossing to the other side of the dimly lit infinity pool, Ryan opened the doors to the kitchen. He lifted his head and found Sandy standing near the refrigerator, the phone to his ear. Leaning against the other side of the island, with tears staining her red cheeks, was Marissa.

"Right, come over in the morning. Alright. You too, Julie."

Ryan and Marissa looked at one another for a split second, and then tore their eyes from each other. They hadn't spoken since that night, and neither knew what to say. Ryan hadn't known that she was coming over, but realized that she and Sandy must be working on her case.

"Hey, Ryan," Sandy said, breaking the tension. "I talked to Marissa. Your stories match completely."

"And Seth and Summer?"

"I'm going to need to talk to the four of you together tomorrow. For now, will you get Marissa set up in the guest room? It's late. And I need to make a few phone calls."

"Sure," Ryan said hesitantly. He had been trying his best to avoid her. Now it would be impossible.

Sandy directed his attention to Marissa.

"Get some sleep. We've got a lot of work to do tomorrow."

She sighed and tried to restrain the tears, but one involuntarily rolled out of the corner of her eye.

"Thanks," she whispered.

"We're gonna pull through this. Don't worry. We're in it together."

Ryan diverted his eyes as Sandy's words echoed through his head. _We're in this together_. He hadn't been there for her at all. He hadn't even asked her how she was doing, and when she tried calling him the morning after, he didn't pick up.

Sandy wished both of them a good night and walked out of the room, leaving the two of them alone. Ryan looked up at her, his eyes watching hers form more tears than before. He led them out of the kitchen without a word.

Inside the guest room, Marissa stood awkwardly around the bed, her arms crossed tightly around each other. She watched Ryan as he leaned over in the linen closet and grabbed two pillows, a towel and washcloth. He handed them to her, and smiled faintly.

"There should be some clean toothbrushes in the bathroom. Top Drawer."

"Thanks."

They both paused, waiting for the other one to say something. After a few seconds, Ryan looked at her bare shoulder, and rested his hand on it. Marissa could feel his heat warming her whole body, and didn't dare to look at him, until he began to speak.

"Listen, I…I don't know how to do this."

She pulled away from his touch and walked over to the bed, resting the pillows on the headstand.

"What?" she choked out, her back to him. "Be with a murderer?"

She felt the pain surging through her tear ducts, and squinted her eyes to keep from getting hysterical. Without turning around, she lifted the blanket and got underneath it, resting the side of her head on the pillows. Ryan looked at her with eyes full of sorrow. Hesitantly, he touched her back with the tips of his fingers, and felt her shake uncontrollably. Marissa could feel his stare on the back of her head, and she tried to stifle the tears. She closed her eyes, the wetness tightening her skin. Ryan leaned over, his head hovering over hers. He pulled the blanket up over her shoulders, and softly stroked her hidden arm. Her lips quivered, and he walked slowly away, closing the door behind him.

Once he was gone, Marissa let the hysterics pour out of her eyes. She didn't know how she was living with herself. She had killed someone. Taken their life away. The heavy guilt weighed down every corner of her body, pounding in her mind. Just twenty minutes of time passed by, and her life was completely destroyed. She was reuniting with her family, the aroma of a blue candle sending flames of warmth and happiness through her body. And then, minutes later, she was watching her boyfriend's life disappear through wheezing breaths. His face accented every drop of pain that tortured his weak body, and Marissa couldn't stand to watch as death crept over him. She had given him all of her heart, and if he wasn't there to nourish it, she wouldn't be able to go on. She wouldn't be able to live without him.

For the first time in a couple of minutes, Marissa inhaled a deep, staggered breath. She sat up in bed, looking out the window through opened white blinds. The sky was still black, and not a single star could be seen. She couldn't fall asleep, so instead, she tore the blanket off her legs, grabbed her towel and walked over to the shower. She turned the water on with no trepidation, standing right under its cold pressure. It gradually began to heat up, soothing the knots that aligned her body. For a moment, Marissa felt relief run through her.

"_I saved him."_

She spent one suspending moment with no feeling of guilt inside of her, and then it came crashing down inside her heart. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself that she was still a good person, that she had saved someone's life, she couldn't help but feel a deep remorse. She kept thinking of other ways she could have prevented it. She could have threatened to call the police, or hit Trey on the back of the head with the gun. But the only logical answer that resonated with her at the time was to pull the trigger. She didn't realize she was killing someone, she only thought she saving the love of her life. But once the bullet came into contact with his back, she felt the pangs of shock drop her heart to her feet. Everyone kept telling her that she was still a good person; that she did what she needed to. But the one person she wanted to hear it from didn't know how to talk to her anymore. She felt like a menace.

The thoughts resurfaced in her mind, and the soothing nature of the shower was becoming ineffective. Marissa turned the water off and wrapped the towel around her shivering body. She came back into the guest room, dressed herself in the pile of clothes that sat by her bed, and fell into a tortured sleep.

Ryan tossed in bed, wondering whether she was still awake. He wasn't sure if she was still crying, and was debating whether or not to go back to the guest room and stay with her. He wasn't even certain that it would be _appropriate_, considering that he didn't know if they were still together. They hadn't broken up, but they also hadn't spoken much to each other since the night it happened. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. All he knew was, the thought of her crying alone in that small room was unbearable. Before he could decide whether or not to go visit her, a slumber cast over his eyes, dulling his senses into a deep sleep.


	2. And the salty breeze

**A/N- Thank you so so much; Rainygal, KC-Chick, Christy, PuRsE-FaNaTiC, EVCLGSB, OC Crazy78, danhyde girl, LoveLostLust, inu-kaglover45, newportbabe, J, kursk, and newportbeachbabe. The reviews I receive inspire me to keep writing, and it's awesome to get feedback on something that you put a lot of effort into. Thanks again!**

He awoke at six to a timid sun shining through his translucent blinds. A week ago he would have pulled the blanket over his head and gone back to bed. But now, six o'clock was the new norm. Sandy would already be awake, with piles of paper strewn across the living room's coffee table. Besides the hardships of the case, he was having trouble sleeping without the presence of his wife. Even Seth rose early from worry of the impending events.

Ryan entered the kitchen, hearing barely audible voices wave through the living room. Stepping a little bit closer, he saw Sandy flipping through documents, and Marissa holding her forehead in her hand. Hesitantly, he walked into the room, making his appearance visible.

"Ryan, good morning."

Sandy's tone was solemn and concerning. On instinct, Marissa looked up at him, there eyes meeting briefly. He looked the other way, conflicted by the reflective sadness in her stare.

"Is everything okay?"

Sandy avoided the question.

"I'm glad you're up. The sooner we do this, the better."

"What are you talking about?" Ryan asked, taking a step forward.

"Well, since you and Marissa were the only people directly involved, I need to talk to both of you, without any secondary witnesses."

"Okay…"

"Here, take a seat."

Ryan walked over to a lone plush chair as far away from Marissa as possible. He wasn't sure whether he should be sitting next to her or completely avoiding her. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. But he could feel her pleading stare following his eyes, desperately trying to connect with him, and the conflicting pain tore at his insides.

"This is what I know," Sandy began.

"A couple of weeks ago, Trey and Marissa were taking a walk on the beach."

Marissa winced, tormented by the memory.

"Both of you were drunk, but Trey later admitted to Ryan that he was under the influence of drugs. Within minutes, he had you on the ground, trying to rape you."

It was so blatantly put that the words shocked Ryan and Marissa. They had both thought it, but hearing it created an undeniable reality. Ryan looked at her, pity surging through his tired bones. Ashamed, she kept her eyes focused on the carpet below her, as Sandy pressed on.

"Ryan. Three nights ago, you found out what Trey tried to do. You were angry and sped off to his apartment around nine o'clock. After shoving him, he held up a gun to you. You turned around to leave, but ran back into the apartment, violently beating him up. You both wrestled into the glass coffee table, and he pinned you to the floor, his arms cupped around you neck. Marissa ran in and saw him strangling you. She pushed Trey, pleading with him to stop. He shoved her off.

"Marissa. At a desperate loss, you picked up the gun that Trey had threatened Ryan with minutes before. Trey took a telephone off the nightstand, and after punching Ryan in the face twice, held it up over his head. That's when you shot him in the back. Seth and Summer arrived moments later, witnessing the scene. From there, Jess arrived, and called the police."

Every one paused, recounting the story in their minds, applying the wrenching emotion to the simple words Sandy had just spoken. A tear fell from Marissa's eye, threatening its home to release the upheaval of grief inside of her. A whispering breath broke into a sob, and before she had any control, her eyes were flooded with a haze of water.

"He was going to kill him…"

She choked through the words and rested her head into her hands, shaking violently. Sandy and Ryan sat in silence, neither knowing what to say. The doorbell rang, interrupting the tense climax of the interrogation.

"I'll get it."

Sandy excused himself from the room, leaving Ryan and Marissa alone. The silence stirred a vulnerable air around the two of them. He had to say something.

"I get why you did it."

Marissa looked at him in disbelief. There she was, sitting in complete hysteria, and his best response was that he "got why she did it?" She had hoped desperately that he would try to comfort her through everything that had been going on, and so far, it felt as if the distance between them was growing with every second.

Sandy stepped back into the living room, followed by a concerned looking Julie. Even though she never imagined it, Marissa was relieved to see her mom. She smiled through her tears and responded to her mother's sympathetic eyes with a hug.

Julie tapped her back lightly, still unused to the newfound affection she had been receiving from her daughter. Then suddenly, she pulled her in to a tight embrace.

"Sweetie," she said softly, looking into her daughter's drenched face.

Ryan stood in awe of what he was witnessing. Marissa despised her mother. She had been causing her pain since before he came to Newport. Julie, who had been the bane of Marissa's existence for two years, was being more supportive than he was. For the first moment since she shot the gun, Ryan felt only and completely for Marissa. None of his own emotions were tangling or conflicting his conscience. His brother had tried to rape her. She was living with the pain all by herself, because she didn't want Ryan to do something radical. And then she risked everything in her life for him, because she loved him more than anyone else ever had.

"I brought bagels."

Julie's voice interrupted Ryan's state of mind, bringing him back to the scene in the living room. A small laugh escaped from Marissa's mouth, and she wiped the tears from under her eye.

"Come on, let's teach your mom how to shmear."

The three of them walked into the kitchen, and Ryan followed behind. He made it over to the doorway, watching Marissa laugh gently at Sandy's jokes. Crossing through to where they were standing, he lingered a few feet away.

"Come on kid," Sandy started. "Pass me a bagel."

Ryan smiled faintly and stepped closer to the kitchen's island, next to a suddenly timid Marissa. He took a bagel out of the brown paper bag and passed it to Sandy. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Marissa's hand resting on the marble finish, her fingers shaking slightly. Looking intently ahead of him, he placed his hand on top of hers, and felt them melt together like they had so many times before.

Marissa smiled as his touch provided the kind of solace she had been longing for. His thumb caressed the side of her hand, and he squeezed it tightly, still watching Sandy perfect his bagel techniques.

"Do me a favor, Ryan. Go wake up Seth. He's supposed to visit Kirsten today, and I'd hate for him to miss the fine art of bagel shmearing."

"Right."

Ryan released Marissa's hand and walked out towards the stairs. Reaching Seth's door, he opened it up to find his friend pulling a wife beater over his head.

"Woah, sorry."

Ryan diverted his eyes and waited for Seth to fully cloth himself.

"Why are you wearing that?"

"Good morning to you too, Ryan. Well, I thought maybe I should try something new. I mean Friendster never seemed to work, so I thought it might be a nice change…maybe…"

Seth read the disagreement in Ryan's eyes, and turned around, pulling the white tank top off.

"Yeah you're right, I don't know what I was thinking."

He leaned over, grabbing a black printed t-shirt that hung off the side of his chair, and threw it on.

"Indie-rock t-shirts are definitely more me."

Ryan shrugged.

"You got your style, I got mine. Listen, Julie and Marissa are in the kitchen. Your dad wants you to come down."

Seth walked over to his bed and sat on the edge, hunched over with his hands folded in his lap.

"Yeah, Marissa was here pretty late last night. Is everything going okay?"

"As well as it can be, I guess…"

"And, I mean, with you two. Like, is it weird or anything?"

Ryan hesitated, his arms tensing up by his sides.

"Kind of."

"Are you two still, _together_? Or…"

"I guess. I mean, I don't really know."

Seth tried to process some worldly advice in his head. He cared about what was going on, and he wanted to express that, but relationships weren't always his strong point.

"Well, listen man. I mean you know why she did it, right?"

Ryan suddenly felt the anxious need to talk to someone about it. He grabbed the round blue chair across from Seth's bed and turned it around, sitting down and leaning over its back.

"Yeah, I get that…so why is it so hard?"

"Dude, it's not easy dating the girl who killed you brother."

Ryan looked unappreciative at the blatant words.

"Or…at least I could imagine that it wouldn't-listen…"

He cut himself off before a tangent rolled from his well intending mouth.

"I wish I had some good advice on this, but honestly man, I couldn't even tell you what to get her for Valentine's Day. I _guess_, in the end, it comes down to whatever you decide is right."

Ryan nodded his head and stood up, placing the chair back where it belonged.

"Thanks man," he said, holding on to the side of the wall.

"Look, I'm sorry I couldn't be of more assistance. If you ever need help picking out a comic book I'm the go-to guy. But I really just…_suck…_ at giving advice."

Ryan smiled.

"Tell my dad I'll be right down."

They exchanged silent acknowledgements, and Ryan walked out the door. Seth sighed, wishing he could be of more use. He knew he served his purpose as the comic relief when things tensed up. But sometimes, it was hard for him to show that he felt seriously about something. And when he tried to express it, he ended up stumbling over his words and providing virtually no help whatsoever. Disappointed with himself, Seth stood up and made his way over to his desk, picking up a small velvet box. He opened it up, checking to make sure the golden pendant was inside, and let it fall to the bottom of his pants pocket. If he couldn't help one Ryan, and least he could try to make someone else's day.

Ryan and Marissa stepped outside the front door of the large mansion. Her engine groaned in the background as she waited for them to say their goodbyes. A silence fell over them once more, circling the air into their lungs and suffocating the words that were choked down inside of them. They hadn't spoken since Ryan returned to the kitchen. He hadn't gone back and taken her hand again. Everything was more complicated than he could process.

He shifted his weight to one side, and rested his hand on her waist.

"You're mom's waiting, so…"

Marissa glanced below her, restraining the depression from surfacing over her face. Hastily, he leaned into her side and pressed his lips against her neck.

"See you later," he mumbled, and quickly turned back inside, leaving her on the doorstep. Marissa crossed her arms, and shook her head slightly to one side, doubting that her life would ever be what she wanted. She looked back at the door, wondering what would happen between her and Ryan. Thirty minutes ago, he took his hand in hers. Now he was awkwardly kissing her, avoiding her lips. She wiped a tear from her cheek and stumbled to her mother's car, forcing a peaceful smile to paint her face.


	3. And the rhythm there

Chapter 3

Disclaimer- I do not own The O.C.

**A/N-Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and reviewing this story. They really do brighten my entire day. This is the 3rd chapter, and if you guys enjoy it, the longer, heavier 4th chapter will be up very shortly. **

An hour later, Marissa lay alone on her bed, her sullen eyes staring endlessly at the high ceiling above. A paperback copy of Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting sat next to her, folded over on the second page. Summer had given it to her in an attempt to pass on her own emotional enlightenment. But Marissa's entire body was vibrating slowly, weak energy consuming her every breath. She closed her eyes, trying to brush the memories out of her mind. But all she could think of were the times when she was with him. Before she had sacrificed her entire world to keep him alive. Marissa turned over on her side and stared at the top drawer of her nightstand. She lifted her hand from the bed, and paused as it hovered over the handle. Grasping on to it, she pulled the drawer opened to reveal a bottle of clear vodka, lying innocently amongst nail files and lipstick tubes. She hesitated, and then lifted it out, feeling its smooth body against her worn fingers. It had been a long time since she felt the need to drink away any of her pain. Now, there was too much for her to stand. She stroked the cap with her thumb, lightly tracing the familiar circular pattern, and twisted it off, letting it fall to the bed. Her mind contemplated the possibilities of what could happen if she let the liquid douse her throat.

A knock came from the door, waking Marissa from her deep thoughts.

"One second…" she said hurriedly, grazing her hand over the bed to find the cap and tightening it over the mouth of the bottle. She shoved it back inside the drawer and closed it quickly, rushing over to the entrance of her bedroom.

"Ryan…"

"I hope I'm not…interrupting anything."

"No, no. Come in."

Ryan walked into the room, his sweeping breath apparent to her. She closed the door and barely had her hand off the knob when he spoke.

"I can't do this anymore."

"What?"

"I can't…I…there's always something coming between us Marissa. Luke, Oliver, now Trey…I just-"

Marissa stood weakly in front of him, disbelief covering her face.

"So the fact that you might have gotten another girl pregnant and left for the summer accounts for nothing…"

Ryan paused, trying to process his words.

"Marissa…"

"Get out."

The latent tears dripped down her face, her lips quivering as the salty taste began to settle. She thrust the door open, and waited for him to leave.

"I'm sorry…"

"Like hell you are."

She blasted anger through her sobs, because it was easier than showing him her sadness. But after the words escaped her mouth, she felt herself becoming weaker, the depression sneaking into her throat.

"Please…" her voice cracked softly.

Ryan turned around helplessly and walked outside her room. She closed the door behind him, leaning against its unforgiving wooden texture. The hysterical symphony drained from inside of her. He was standing in the hallway, taking in her drowning anguish. It became unbearable, and slowly, he began to walk away. Marissa heard the footsteps echo down the hallway. She ran back to the drawer of her nightstand, thrusting it open and snatching the bottle of liquor in her trembling hand. This time, she didn't bother to think. It raced down her throat, stinging away the pain of having lost the most important part of her life.

It was a quarter to seven when her eyelids blinked open, her head heavy with sleep. The effects of the alcohol had worn off, and she was completely sobered, but also completely hung over. And she was supposed to be at the Cohen's in fifteen minutes.

"_Great,"_ Marissa thought. She was feeling absolutely miserable, and now not only did she have to relive the case once again, she had to face Ryan. After drawing her blinds, Marissa opened her bedroom window and felt the cool air send chills through her skin. She walked over to her closet and grabbed a pink jacket, pulling it over the soft lacey dress that she had changed into hours before. Her reflection was less forgiving than usual, with dark circles shadowing the corners of her eyes. Marissa opened the dresser drawer, rummaging through it for a concealer wand. She finally found one, and blended the thin consistency underneath her eyes. After applying mascara onto her long lashes, Marissa grabbed a purse and looked around for anything she might need to bring with her. She eyed the nightstand hesitantly, and opened up its top drawer, pulling out her renewed escape.

Sandy opened the front door, revealing a flawlessly stunning Marissa. She smiled through her hidden agony and stepped inside, walking into the kitchen. The first person she noticed was Ryan, who seemed to be awe-struck by her beauty. His eyes were fixed on her, but she turned away, facing down as she made her way to the table. Ryan looked back at her as she sat down uncomfortably and continued to avoid his stare.

Across from Ryan was Seth and Summer, leaning into the corner of the marble counters. Now that everyone had congregated in one area, Sandy ushered them to join Marissa at the table. Ryan was about to sit down next to her, but the apparent uneasiness in her avoiding eyes changed his mind.

For the next thirty minutes, Sandy spoke to them about the logistics of her case, coating it with a matter-of-fact tone. He shuffled through papers, reciting obscure laws that meant nothing to any of them. By the time he was finished, Summer asked what the other three had been wondering.

"Mr. Cohen…what's gonna happen to her?"

Sandy paused.

"As of now, I think I can get her off with involuntary man-slaughter. Possibly even nothing."

"That's wonderful!" Summer exclaimed.

"Though we can never be too sure with these things. I've still got a lot of work to do."

"Thank you…for everything."

Marissa spoke earnestly, and a sympathetic Sandy responded as well as he could.

"You know I'm happy to help. I'll do whatever I can."

His words seemed somewhat disheartening to everyone at the table. What if everything he could do wasn't good enough? They all worried of her fate, intent on keeping a positive outlook.

"For now, why don't we eat? I don't know about you, but I'm starved."

"That's a good idea," Seth agreed. He stood up and walked over to the telephone, dialing the number of the Thai restaurant.

"Summer, Marissa, you're welcome to join us…"

"Oh, no, that's okay…" Marissa softly began to protest. "I promised my parents I'd eat with them.

The three others at the table looked at her with intent interest.

"Woah, Coop…par_ents_? As in plural?"

"Yeah, my dad…well…he's back."

"He _is?_" Sandy joined Summer in questioning her about the new revelation.

Marissa smiled slightly.

"Wow, you really _do_ miss a lot without Kirsten here."

"Well…anyway, I gotta go, I told them I'd be back by nine. Thanks again."

Ryan's gaze followed Marissa as she disappeared from the kitchen. They heard the front door close, and he was bombarded by three questioning faces.

"What?"

"Is it just me?" Seth started. "Or did you two not say a _word _to each other that entire time?"

"I told you," Ryan said defensively. "It's weird."

"Well are you still a couple?" Sandy pried.

Aggravated, Ryan got up and took a cup out of the cabinet. He muttered, "no," and continued over to the refrigerator to pour himself a glass of soda. However, the news couldn't shake the attention of the other three.

"Wait man…" Seth pressed on. "I thought that this afternoon you two were still together…"

"Yeah well, now we're not."

Ryan's sharp tone finally resonated with them, and they stopped questioning him about his situation with Marissa. He sat back down at the table, and besides a few sarcastic comments by Seth, they waited for their food in silence.

**A/N- Sorry to leave you guys there. But if I hadn't broken it up the next chapter would have dragged on forever. Please R/R and the next one will be up really soon!**


	4. The waves and the wind and night

**A/N- Thank you SO much for the reviews- I love getting feedback. I'll be posting quite frequently this week because I have a lot of the story written and I want to get it to you guys as soon as possible**

**Disclaimer- Guess what… I don't own The O.C.**

Chapter 4

Marissa drove down the perfectly paved roads, the yellow line fading behind her. A small parking lot came into view, blanketed with tall trees and soft Californian grass. She pulled into the corner, and stopped the car, unbuckling her seat belt and swinging her purse over her shoulder. Her sandals flopped against the hard concrete as she walked past the crooked pine trees onto the beach. The sand buried itself between the cracks of her toes as she made her way over to the desolate life guard's dock. Standing in front of it, Marissa rested her hand on the railing, balancing herself from the power of the memories that involuntarily surfaced with the setting. Gathering her strength, she slipped off her flip flops and walked up to the top of the dock, the white wooden planks creaking beneath her bare feet. She looked out to the ocean and carefully unzipped her purse, taking the bottle in her hands. Like she was so accustomed to doing the summer before, she allowed the vodka to slip down her throat and calm her trembling body.

At the Cohen's, Seth and Summer sat together on the couch, watching an aged black and white horror film. Ryan slouched in the lone chair across from them, holding his head up with the palm of his hand. Even if he had a slight interest in the movie, it was impossible for him to concentrate. He just kept thinking of Marissa, and what he said to her. And how she should be there with him. About thirty minutes into the movie, Summer read his mind.

"This kind of sucks without Coop."

"Well why don't you give her a call? She can't still be having dinner, right?" Seth paused. "I mean, if that's okay with you, Ryan."

"Yeah, sure, go ahead."

Truthfully, Ryan wanted her there. He knew it would be terribly awkward, but he felt so alone. And he missed her.

Marissa felt her purse vibrate against her arm. She set the bottle on top of the uneven railing and fumbled through disordered objects, eventually snatching the phone in her hand. Wiping away a silent tear, she flipped it open and pulled it towards her.

"Hello?"

"Hey Coop. Listen, we're totally missing you. Do you maybe want to come-"

"Fuck."

She cut Summer off when the bottle of vodka started to shake against its slanted surface, and almost fell over the edge.

"Marissa? Is everything okay?"

Ryan, who had already been listening intently, let every one of Summer's words echo heavily in his mind.

"Uhh…yeah, I can't. Sorry."

"Where are you?"

"I'm…I'm here. I mean, I'm at the beach…I…"

"Coop, you're not making any sense."

"Sorry, I've…gotta go."

Marissa closed her phone and threw it back into the purse, gripping onto the bottle as she dropped her head. She was incoherent; her words were slurred, and she didn't want Summer to come try to rescue her self-destruction. The silent tears suddenly turned into loud sobs. She squinted her eyes tightly, trying to restrain the pain from surfacing once again. But it always did, and her drunken state made it worse. A kaleidoscope of scenes spun in her head; Trey attacking her, Ryan's breathless face, the blood stain on the carpet. They circled in her mind faster than she could process, and brought with them a cascade of memories from the year before. When he drove away to Chino, when she told him she loved him and he couldn't say it back. She hid her head underneath folded arms, crying louder and louder as the minutes passed by.

"What's wrong? Is she okay?" Ryan urgently questioned as Summer hung up the phone.

"I don't know. She seemed really out of it…"

"Where is she?"

"The beach…"

Without any hesitation, Ryan stood up and walked quickly out of the living room. He grabbed the keys from the counter and picked up his pace, slamming the door shut behind him as he ran down to the black Range Rover.

He drove to the beach, finding her red car parked in the corner of the abandoned lot. Running out to the long strips of sand, his head turned in both directions, looking for any sign of her presence. Then, underneath his feet, he saw a pair of black flip flops buried slightly underneath the sparkling crystals. Ryan stepped a little closer to the shore, hearing a small sound echo from the distance. He ran to the left, and found her standing on top of the dock, her head cradled inside her arms. Relieved to find her safe, he sighed deeply and took in her lonely posture. It wasn't long before he noticed the bottle of vodka standing upright next to her fragile body.

"Marissa…"

She straightened immediately, shocked to hear him speaking.

"What are you doing here?"

Her voice rang vibrations of anger through the air, and he remained silent, walking up to where she was standing. Her body shook from his closeness, and she looked away, trying to remain strong. But she was an absolute mess, and was too drunk to hide it.

"Come on," he urged softly, his hand resting barely an inch away from hers along the wooden rail.

"Come on, let's go."

"I'm not going anywhere."

She leaned over the side of the dock, her head staring down at the blanket of sand through dizzying floods of water. Her body shook violently as her thin fingers turned white from gripping onto the rail so tightly. Ryan began to get scared. He'd seen her depressed, but never like this. She had no control over herself. Her breath was limited, and the sound of her coughs echoed off of the chipped wood. The tears wouldn't quit.

At a loss, Ryan put his arm on her, stroking her back as she suffered through the climax of her drunken hysterics.

"It's okay…"

He spoke soothingly, trying to calm her down. But it wasn't working. He could feel her trembling underneath his hand, her breaths short, loud and staggered. Ryan took a step in closer to her, searching the sadness in her face. He looked to his right at the half empty bottle, and picked it up, holding the evidence of her self-destruction in his hand.

"Give that back!"

She sprung forward, trying to grab it, but he kept it behind him. Her face was tormented from the pain, and she tried to reach for it, but he held her back with his free arm.

"Give it back!" She screamed louder than before, the tears rolling down her neck. He stepped into her as close as possible now, pressing his body against hers. His hand massaged her shoulder, and eventually made its way down her back, relieving the built up tension with his touch. He put down the bottle and stepped into her a little bit harder. As he squeezed her frail body into his, she found herself succumbing to his comfort. She rested the side of her head against his cheek, feeling his hands travel up and down her back. Eventually, she stood up straight, and allowed herself to exhale deeply through the sobs. His arms still cradled her gently, and her more languid breaths were reassuring.

"Let me take you home…"

Marissa nodded silently, her cheeks still heavy with the tight redness. The tears continued to coat a new layer over her face, but her breath was the only sound she made. Ryan wrapped his arm tightly around her waist, and they walked up the beach together, listening to the sounds of the waves cascade across the wet sand.

They drove down the narrow road without a word. Marissa kept her head turned towards the window, letting quiet releases of water stream down her face. Her head thudded softly against the glass window as she looked outside to the peaceful land. The sky above was lit by thousands of tiny stars, some standing alone, others grouped in intricate constellations. There was one in particular that caught her eye. It kept its distance from every other shining vessel, and cast a strong reflective light over the darkness that surrounded it. Marissa became lost in its power, the tears no longer dropping rapidly from her eyes. Her mind began to roll in a slow, dulled fashion, unable to completely process her thoughts. All she could think of was the star, that seemed to be following the car down the winding path. And Ryan.

"I'm sorry…"

She stuttered, and slowly turned her face towards him. He looked at her, surprised to hear her speak. They had been driving in silence for so long, and occasionally he would look over at her to make sure she was okay. But he had been lost in his own thoughts for the past few minutes, staring ahead at the seemingly endless road. His mind played a string of memories across its canvas, and he became completely absorbed in their power. Each recollection surfaced in him with complete accuracy; the colors, voices, angles. They seemed to cover the glass windshield, floating over his eyes like a movie. Every scene brought a tearing Marissa, wearing a pretty pink dress on Valentine's day, or a long, red gown at her mother's wedding. He closed his eyes briefly, feeling like he was the only reason why Marissa cried. Hearing her voice next to him awoke his reverie, and he was uncertain of how to respond.

"It's okay…"

"No, it's not. I know…I bring back old issues for you."

"Marissa…"

"I could have been better to you…"

The sadness sneaked out of her eyes once more, and her voice raised as the words trailed from her lips.

"Marissa…come on. Don't do this."

"No, Ryan. You were right. There always is something coming between us. It's me."

She leaned over in the seat and picked up a wad of tissues from her purse. Her eyes closed, and she wiped away the wetness before it could dry in matted lines on her already tight skin. Ryan opened his mouth to respond to her, but closed it shortly after. He couldn't think of anything appropriate to say, and they drove the rest of the way without another word.


	5. Tonight, we're the scent

6/5/2005

Chapter 5

**Disclaimer- I don't own The O.C…However I am a proud owner of a pair of really cute yellow socks with ducks on them! And that's almost just as good as being Josh Schwartz…**

**A/N- Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing this story. You guys are the greatest! Your comments are really great and get me to think. I know some of you want Ryan and Marissa to get back together (asap) but I think that the UST is an incredibly important part of the story line. Don't be disheartened, it's coming soon!**

The car pulled into her driveway at eleven o'clock. He looked over at her, and her eyes quickly followed, unsure of how to end the night.

"Thanks…" she whispered softly.

"Let me walk you in."

Marissa smiled and nodded, unbuckling her seatbelt and stepping out of the car. He met her in front, and looked at her with sincerity. Slowly, they made their way to the front door, his hand lingering gently on the middle of her back. Marissa took out her house keys, attempting to fit them into the keyhole, but her trembling hand made it difficult. He held her fingers in his, and together, they slid the key inside with ease. She gave him an appreciative grin, and pushed the door open, their eyes still fixed on each other. The anguish inside her was mellowing, until she stepped into the large mansion.

Immediately, the worried faces of her parents came running down the stairs, intruding on their peaceful time together.

"Oh thank God sweetheart, we were so worried about you!"

"Mom, it's eleven o'clock."

"And you didn't even bother to call!"

Julie paused, taking in the appearance of her daughter.

"What happened to your face?"

Marissa looked down at the white marble below her feet, fully aware of the condition she was in. Thin lines of mascara ran down her cheeks, and her eyes were still deluded with a red film of water. She didn't want to face her parents now; tell them what was going on. But Julie persisted, now directing her forcefulness to Ryan.

"What did you do to her?"

"Mom! He didn't do anything to me!"

"Are you _drunk?_"

Marissa let out a sigh, staring at her mother with almost venomous eyes. She couldn't stand it when she interrogated her endlessly, but when she insulted Ryan, it sent her over the edge. Trying to control her emotions, she looked away, and felt Ryan's hand plant itself firmly on her back.

"Come on," He started quietly. "Let me help you up."

She looked at him once more, with apology and appreciation lining every corner of her face. They began to walk towards the stairs, but not without facing the growing wrath of her mother.

"Excuse me! Where do you think you are going?"

They didn't turn around. Marissa leaned heavily on the banister, spending more time than usual in finding the first step. She got up the first two, and then stumbled over the next. Ryan wrapped his arm around her, tightly grabbing onto her side.

"Oh my God…"

Julie let her disapproving tone echo through the entire lower half of the mansion, but by now, Ryan and Marissa knew how to ignore it.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

"Yeah…"

She smiled, and they continued to walk up the stairs together, defying the growing animosity that stirred below them.

"She _needs_ to start seeing that therapist again, Jimmy."

Both Ryan and Marissa stopped dead in their tracks. The subject of therapy did not sit well with either of them, after everything that happened the year before. But it brought back more than just Oliver. An undeniable sensitivity surfaced in both of them when it was mentioned. It touched a part of them that rendered memories of their first few months together. When they had just met, both struggling to survive inside of their separate stories. Somehow, they had collided; they had become connected by something more powerful than they ever could have imagined. Therapy just brought back memories of the time, when they could be there for each other with nothing getting in the way.

The nostalgia scratched an unhealed bruise in both of their hearts. Ryan turned around, looking at Julie with warning eyes. She stared right back, an old tension pulling animosity between them.

"Give it a rest, Julie."

For the first time since Ryan and Marissa had entered the house, Jimmy spoke up. Julie looked as if she was going to say something cruel and unforgiving, but she stopped herself before the words left her mouth. Her family was reuniting, and she was trying hard to keep them together. Still, she wouldn't surrender completely to someone else's victory.

"We'll talk about this tomorrow. Go to sleep."

Marissa twisted the doorknob and stepped into the cool bedroom. The opened window let the night's breeze fill the air, calming their heavy pulses. He stepped in after her, and closed the door, looking at her with questioning eyes. It was never clear to him whether his presence was welcomed, but he wasn't going to just leave after what she had just gone through.

"So thanks…again. For everything."

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"That's okay…I'm just gonna go wash up. I'm sure I'm a mess."

"Well, I'll wait. Until you're settled."

"Thanks."

She smiled at the sincerity in his voice, and paused a moment before breaking their eye contact. Slowly, she opened the dresser drawer and pulled out a pair of pink flannel pajamas. Ryan grinned.

"Should I close the window?

"Yeah, sure. Thanks."

Marissa walked over to the bathroom and stepped onto the hard tiles, the square patterns spinning slowly in her mind. But she closed her eyes tightly and forced herself to think coherently. When she looked back down, the floor had stopped turning, and she shifted her eyes to the unforgiving mirror on the front of the medicine cabinet. The energy had been drowned out of every contour in her face, and her cheeks were flushed with a glazed over redness. Marissa tried to wipe off the stains of mascara from under her eyes, but they had dried a long time ago. Slowly, she turned on the faucet, letting the cold water run over her dull hand. She dipped her head down into the large basin and splashed it onto her face, letting it trickle down the dry traces of her own tears. When her face was a bit more awakened, she twisted off the cap of her cold cream and spread it over her entire face, trying to erase the evidence of her meltdown. Still, when she washed it off and patted her skin dry, the grief couldn't be hidden.

Ryan heard the faucet run once more, and stood around awkwardly. He had closed the window, which occupied about thirty seconds of his time. He didn't want to sit on the bed; it seemed intrusive and looked intimidating. But his body hung unnaturally in the middle of the room, as if he were some sort of timid statue. He started to pace back and forth, for lack of anything better do with himself, and the movement began to stimulate his brain. He was sure she was looking in the mirror at that very moment, appalled by the streaks of makeup and tears that clung to her face. He wanted to tell her so badly that she still looked beautiful. No matter what, she would always look beautiful. Even if she killed his brother, she was beautiful. Ryan shook the thoughts out of his mind. They weren't together anymore, and he was helping a friend. Still, even he couldn't believe his rationalizing lies.

Eventually, she walked out of the bathroom, her face clean and her body covered by the long flannel. She smiled at the awkward pose he had resumed to take when she came into the room, and he returned it, feeling more at ease. Marissa crossed over to her bed, and Ryan quickly followed, pulling the blanket from the sheet so she could get in.

"Thanks."

He smiled again and watched as she slid her body uncomfortably under the covers. If they had been together, neither of them would have felt the tension. He would already be lying on her bed, taking in the scent of her hair that remained on her pillows. She would have curled up next to him, burying her head in his neck, feeling his hands gently stroke her back. Instead, he was standing up, pulling the blanket over her shivering body. His hand lingered on the top of the covers for a little longer than it should have, if they were really just friends. But he wasn't ready to let go yet. After a few seconds, when he realized his fingers were grazing the top of her chest, he pulled them back awkwardly and kneeled down by her bed, resting his arms on its side.

He was staring into her eyes, intensity sinking deeply into both of them. When they looked at each other, everything stopped. And if there was nothing in their way, it was almost inevitable that something was going to happen. It was an undeniable force. Ryan moved his hand a little further on the bed, resting it gently on her side. Her heart was pounding as she felt it coming. He looked at her lips with consideration of every corner, every soft and smooth part. He considered their texture against his, their sweet taste in his mouth. And he considered the surge of feeling that conquered his entire being when they connected.

His feet pressed down on the floor as he leaned in a little bit closer to her. She began to breathe heavily, feeling his hand slide over the blanket to the middle of her waist. Undressing her emotion with his eyes, she felt naked and vulnerable. He looked again at her lips, at her forehead, at her eyelids, at every part of her face that he longed to kiss. His mouth lingered around a foot away from hers, and he began to slowly close the distance between them, when she sprung up from bed and exhaled heavily into the air.

"I…I just remembered…I meant to take some aspirin, or something…"

She rubbed her forehead gently, and leaned forward, exaggerating the mellow throbbing in her head.

"Right, and it's getting late so…"

"You should go."

She finished his thought, and waited for him to stand up. Soon, they were both standing next to the bed, an overwhelming uneasiness hovering above them. While he seemed to be frozen with complete incomprehension of what had just happened, she awkwardly nodded to the bathroom and began to walk away, quickening her steps as she got closer to the door.

Ryan looked around the room, once again standing alone in the middle of it. The climatic moment repeated itself in his brain, and the embarrassment seemed scarring. He turned around to leave, but stopped when a row of silver frames caught his attention. They were neatly organized, standing on top of her mahogany dresser. Inside of them were pictures of her sister, of her dad, of Summer, but mostly, there were pictures of the two of them. The one all the way on the end was of the night they had first kissed. They stood in front of the carnival's Ferris wheel, lights brightening the chaos behind them. Their foreheads were touching gently, and the smiles on their faces were genuine. It was like they were the only two people in the world. Everything else stopped. Everything always stopped for them. Ryan sighed and placed the picture back down on the dresser. He pulled the door open and started outside of the room, pausing by the entrance to collect himself.

When she heard his footsteps disappear down the hallway, Marissa walked over to the sink. She stared at her reflection once more, repulsed with herself.

"_You're a murderer_."

There was always some degree of agony that surfaced with the words, and she felt the undying need to inflict pain on herself. They had no relevance to why she hadn't kissed him, but still, they brought back the dormant tears she waited to release. The water flowed out of her tear ducts in a familiar pattern, and she closed her eyes, her hands leaning heavily on the edge of the sink. She shook her head, angry at herself for not letting him kiss her. She wanted him to so badly, but for some reason, as he came closer, an insurmountable anxiety took over her. It wasn't fear of him that scared her away. It was fear of what they were doing. It came so naturally to them; this connection that bound their hearts together. She had given into it so many times before, and somehow she always ended up with tears in her eyes. Part of Marissa knew that it the price you paid when you were in love. But another part of her was afraid to give into its power. She was afraid to succumb. If they kissed then, one thing would lead to another, to something they hadn't ever experienced before. Not with each other. And she didn't want to be standing alone in her room the next day, hearing him say that he couldn't be with her anymore.


	6. from your mouth to me

6/5/2005

Chapter 6

**Disclamer- I don't own The O.C.**

**A/N- Wow you guys, thanks so much for those reviews, they were really really inspiring! You are all so fantastic. Thank you to AgathaN for the suggestion…that's a really great idea, the only problem is I've kind of taken the story in a certain direction already. I hope you guys enjoy it!**

At ten the next morning, Marissa awoke to a familiar echo pounding through her head. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, dismissing the physical pain, and carried her aching legs over to the bathroom. After only one minute of being awake, the previous night's events fell over her like a black veil. She went through the film of fresh memories; driving to the beach, crying in Ryan's arms, settling into bed…

The rest of the night played on repeat with every second that passed. She could still see his hand resting gently on her waist, his lips coming closer to hers. But no matter how much energy she put into changing the strained memory, wishing they had kissed it was solidified in time only one way.

Marissa slid out of the bathroom and wandered back to her bed, resting her head on the dark wooden backboard. She felt the mattress adjust to her caved body, and was about to let herself fall back asleep for lack of anything better to do, when a knock sounded from her door.

"Marissa…"

She didn't respond.

"Marissa, are you awake?"

Her mother's voice seeped through the cracks of the door, but Marissa couldn't bring herself to answer. She tossed over in bed, anticipating whatever would come next.

"Sandy called. He said the three of us have to be over there as soon as possible, so I want you to meet me and your father downstairs in twenty minutes.

Her stomach dropped. She had been living in such agony since it happened that she didn't have much time to think of the results of the case. It had all seemed so surreal, and now she was certain she was being convicted. The pain became too much for her to dwell on. She stood up and walked over to her closet, thumbing through the outfits with little conviction. It didn't matter what she wore. Ryan probably hated her, and soon she'd be spending her time locked up in a cell. Her face grew white with the thoughts, and she felt her body turning cold and stone-like.

"You couldn't have worn something a little nicer?"

Julie looked at her daughter's outfit with a scrutinizing eye. She was wearing a pair of tight fitting jeans and a grey USC sweater. Her hair was pulled back in a high pony tail, a few wispy bangs brushed to the side. Marissa had no desire to respond to her mother's cold remarks, after what happened the night before.

"Oh, right. Those are your hangover clothes."

Jimmy stared at Julie with warning eyes, silencing the unappreciated remarks. They walked out of the mansion hand in hand, with their daughter following behind. Together, as a family. And yet Marissa felt more alone and depressed than she had since the summer before. She stifled her sadness and walked off to her mom's car, not so ready to face her fate.

Xxxxx

The Cohens and Coopers sat around the table, anxiously awaiting the verdict. Their nerves pinched inside of them as they watched Sandy pull out the last remaining chair, a solemn look on his face. They didn't want him to postpone what they were inevitably going to find out. He sat down and glanced around at the apprehensive faces, pausing before he began to speak.

"It's over."

The words hung thickly in the air, leaving an unsettling feeling inside of them. It was _over_, but what did that mean? Either the case had been dismissed, or she would be leaving for prison in a couple of days.

"Marissa…"

Her heart began to thud violently inside her chest as she anticipated the worst response. She could feel her hands shaking uncontrollably and she kept swallowing as if she were trying to keep the emotional discharge inside of her.

_Please just say it. God, just say it._

"If I were you, I'd plan on hanging around here for another year. Until you graduate, that is."

The suspended tension dropped immediately as the words echoed inside their brains.

"Wait…you mean…" Marissa stuttered.

"You're a 17 year old girl who'd never picked up a gun before in your life, with no criminal record, and you were witnessing a murder. The decision was unanimous.

"Oh, thank God."

Julie stood up abruptly and walked over to her daughter, who seemed speechless. Before she realized it, Marissa found herself in her mothers arms. After a few seconds, Jimmy got up from the table and walked over to them, joining his newly reunited family. The other three watched the moment unfold before their eyes. It was one of those times when everything just seemed perfect, even for only one minute of time.

The phone started to ring, beckoning a quick response from Sandy. He was always the first one to answer the calls lately, hoping it would be his wife.

"Hello?"

"Hi Summer. Hold on, I'll get him."

A disappointed Sandy handed the phone over to his son, who took it gratefully and walked out of the room. The six others stood comfortably in the kitchen, ease still filling the air. The worst was over, and a huge weight had been lifted off of their shoulders.

"I gotta run to the office. My old clients from when I worked with the firm keeping referring me. I swear…It's like I never left."

"That's right," Jimmy started. "You were starting your own practice. How's that going?"

"Great, except for the fact that the Newpsies won't leave me alone. But the office is amazing. Large, spacious, beach front view. I can go surfing whenever my heart desires. Why don't you come check it out?"

"That would be fantastic."

"And what am I supposed to do?" Julie questioned.

"You can come with. We'll grab some lunch afterwards?"

Jimmy looked at her with his large brown eyes, and she reluctantly agreed.

"Come on," Sandy said. "We'll take my car."

The three adults exited the kitchen, leaving Ryan and Marissa alone. They hadn't spoken since last night, and although both were ecstatic that the case was over, a string of tension laced through the air. She knew she had to say something.

"About last night…"

Ryan looked away, the embarrassment surfacing in his face.

"I'm sorry, I just…I was afraid. I mean that afternoon we were-"

"It's okay. I get it."

And he did. At first, Ryan wasn't sure why she had turned away from him. But he was up late thinking about it, about everything. Their moments together were so passionate that he had almost forgotten what happened earlier that day. He wasn't sure where things were going now, but they were alone, and he wanted to spend time with her.

"So what are you doing today?"

"Umm…nothing of interest."

"Wanna head down to the pier? Maybe grab a balboa bar?"

He smiled at her, and she could feel her cheeks reddening. Even two years later, her heart melted when he looked at her; a slight, sexy grin piercing right through her body. She glanced down for a second, and he knew she would agree.

They walked side by side down the pier, the ground creaking slightly below their feet. The sleeve of his shirt brushed her arm, sending a wave of physical longing through her. Marissa looked around, memories surfacing in her mind. Every different place brought back another time, and it was almost like she could see their bodies recreating the scenes.

"Sometimes this place feels haunted."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

Ryan had been thinking the same things, watching the same ghost-like recollections play out in front of them.

"It's like everywhere I turn there's some other memory," she said.

They walked over to the bench and sat down close to each other, their knees touching slightly. Ryan looked at her as she stared out towards the ocean, taking in the blond waves that fell over her shoulders. He searched her face, concentrating on the solemn look in her eyes.

"What's this bench?" he asked.

"Umm…" She considered it.

"This is where Seth told me that we were the two loneliest people in Newport."

"Wait, where was I?"

"You were…with Lindsay."

He looked down below him uncomfortably, and she quickly tried to take back her statement.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"No, it's okay. It's not that, It's just…I guess I never really thought of what you went through…You know, I mean, when I left."

Marissa turned her gaze from him, attempting to hold back the sadness that was growing from the memory.

"But hey," he started, trying to lighten the mood. "We had our good times here too, right?"

She laughed slightly.

"Like when we went on that model home mission for survival supplies?"

"Yeah, but I was thinking more like this one…"

He caught her lips in his, holding onto the kiss as he waited for her to respond to it. At first she was shocked, unable to move. But her senses started to warm to the touch of his lips, and she pressed down on them softly, sustaining the moment. His forehead glided down hers slowly as he moved his mouth on hers. She pulled her hand off of the edge of the seat and rested it on his cheek, while he slid his fingers down the side of her arm. The kiss began to deepen, and he grazed his lips gently against her face. Marissa trailed her hands down the side of his neck to his arms, feeling his muscles contract as he held her in his hands. They weren't rushing. The world always stopped for them.

XXXXXXX

"When did you learn to cook so well?"

Jimmy was sitting over a plate of eggs benedict, amazed by his ex-wife's newfound talent. She walked over and pulled out the stool next to him, pouring herself a tall glass of orange juice.

"Oh, it was a last attempt to salvage my marriage with Cal…"

"You served eggs benedict to a man with a heart condition in an attempt to keep him around?"

Julie narrowed her eyes into a cold stare, and he backed off with a small laugh.

"Well Juls, one thing that hasn't changed…nothing keeps you from getting what you want."

"Which is actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

He looked at her with confusion running across his face, slowing down his fervent chewing.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I was thinking. With you back, and Caitlin coming home from boarding school this year…"

"Yes?"

"I think we should move. As in, get out of Newport."

"What?" He couldn't believe the words that had just escaped her mouth "You love it here."

"Oh Jimmy, I know, I did. But after everything that just happened with Marissa, and with the-"

She cut herself short before she accidentally mentioned her newly infamous sex tape to him. But not soon enough to squander his interest.

"The what?"

"Nothing. Nothing. I just think it would be better for us, as a family. To start anew…"


	7. And lovelier words

6/5/2005

Diclaimer- I feel like such an idiot when I have to do this. (Sigh) I don't own The O.C.

**A/N- Wow. You guys are amazing. Thanks so so much for the reviews, I love hearing your reactions. Knowing that I can make an impact on someone through writing is one of the most gratifying feelings in the world. **

Chapter 7

It was six o'clock, and the shades of a pink sunset began to appear in the sky. Marissa drew the blinds open to her bedroom, and walked back over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. They had spent the entire day together, taking long walks down the pier. Time was completely lost, nonexistent. He would lean over and kiss her cheek at the most spontaneous moments, and their hands stayed complacently intertwined. Now, they were standing by the end of her bed, caught in each other's stare.

"So…"

She pressed her lips against his and felt his arms wrap tightly around her waist.

"This has been a good day, right?"

"Mmmmmmhm."

He agreed through his kiss, and stepped in closer to her. Marissa laughed and pulled away, running her hands down his chest as she walked over to the other side of her room. She opened the second window and let the cool air caress her face. Ryan came up behind her and grabbed her hips, resting his forehead on the side of her face.

"The day's not over…"

They both smiled as he trailed a line of kisses down her neck. Marissa let her body lean back into his, taking his hands. His lips began to sweep over her shoulder towards her chest, and she turned to face him, stopping him short. Her eyes fell on the slightly ajar door, and she walked towards it, shutting it gently. Ryan sat down on the edge of her bed, happiness radiating through his face. Through both of their faces. She walked back over to him and sat down on his lap, wrapping his hands across her waist and leaning back into his strong body. His head rested on her shoulder, and she turned to him, placing her lips on his. She could feel his hands slide down her sides, resting low on her hips. Ryan fell onto her bed, his heart beating faster than before against her chest. Marissa kissed him passionately, taking in his hard breaths. Their movements became faster and more powerful; his fingers running down her legs, her body moving over his. Ryan moved his lips down to the neckline of her shirt, feeling her heavy breath against his shoulder.

"Mariss…a"

Julie barged into the room, stopping short at the sight in front of her. Immediately, the couple pulled apart, shock and embarrassment running across their faces. Ryan's realized that his hands were still lingering on her waist, and he pulled them off awkwardly as she lied down next to him. They were all rendered speechless, waiting for someone else to say something.

"Umm…we're having dinner at the Cohen's. To, umm…celebrate, for you know, the case…"

Julie attempted to articulate herself, but the situation was too awkward for words. She stared at the faces in front of her, shock still apparent in their eyes. Diverting her glance, Julie walked towards the door, but paused over the threshold.

"Ryan…you should go home."

With that, she yanked the door closed, her heavy footsteps rushing briskly down the hallway. Ryan turned onto his side and started pulling loose threads out of the pillow seam.

"Your mom hates me again."

She laughed slightly and leaned a little bit closer to him, trying to catch his glance.

"She doesn't hate you…She's just…protective…"

"She blames me…for, for last night."

"No, Ryan…she doesn't. It's just, you know her…"

Marissa tried kissing him, but he pulled back as her lips touched his.

"I should go. See if Sandy needs help getting ready."

He could read the hurt in her eyes, and stroked her arm delicately with his fingers.

"I'll see you soon though, right?"

She smiled and nodded, accepting the kiss he was leaving on her lips. It lasted for a few seconds, and they pushed themselves off the bed, walking towards the door. Slowly, Ryan leaned into her, placing his lips on the nape of her neck. She closed her eyes, holding onto the moment, before they parted quietly, each with longing streaming through their bones.

XXXX

Ryan set the last fork at the head of the table and leaned against its chair. It was a beautiful night; the air was barely humid with a cool breeze, and the sky was painted in a deep blue. Sandy had pulled out a collapsible table and set it up next to the glowing infinity pool. It was his first time entertaining guests without the help of his wife, and he was afraid of failing miserably.

The doorbell echoed through the kitchen, and an anxious Sandy rushed to get it. He paused, taking in a deep breath, and opened the door.

"Hello, Summer."

He smiled warmly and greeted her with a paternal hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Is that new cologne, Mr. C?"

"Alessandro Dell'Acqua," he replied mockingly.

"Oh well, it's very attractive."

Seth heard the conversation taking place and stepped out of the kitchen, making his presence known.

"Okay, dad, please stop hitting on my girlfriend…"

"Actually son, I think it was the other way around."

"Great, my dad and my girlfriend…as if this town isn't twisted enough."

"Hey, it happened to Julie Cooper…"

The three of them stood silently, remembering the awkward time when Julie had been sleeping with Luke. The same disturbed look quickly crawled onto each of their faces. Fortunately, the sound of the doorbell relieved them of their thoughts, bringing them back to a much less perverse reality.

"Julie Cooper!"

Sandy announced her name enthusiastically as he pulled the door wide open. She was taken aback by his tone of voice, a look of question coming over her.

"The dinner _is_ tonight, right?"

"Yes, of course. Come on in."

"I hope everyone likes Thai," Seth added.

Ryan could see everyone shuffling towards the glass door that led outside. As they stepped into the night air, the first person he completely noticed was Marissa. His eyes were fixated upon her, unable to waver in any other direction. A soft blue dress clung to her body, exposing her tanned shoulders. Her golden waves of hair fell loosely down her back, and her deep set eyes seemed brighter than ever.

"Wow…" he stuttered. "You look…"

He was rendered speechless, no words able to describe her beauty. Instead, he just stared at her, overwhelmed by the magnitude of feeling that rushed through him. She smiled and took his hand, walking over to the table. Everyone took their seats, and Marissa kept her fingers intertwined with his. Their knees bumped underneath the table, and neither he nor she moved from the contact.

Julie cleared her throat, unsure of how to initiate her thoughts. She rested her hand on the tablecloth and slowly stood up, catching the attention of everyone around her.

"So, first of all, I'd like to make a toast. To all of us-for pulling through this. Together."

She smiled sincerely and paused, apprehension becoming vivid on her face. Only Jimmy knew what she was about to say.

"And, you know, Jimmy and I couldn't have asked for better friends. You…_and_ Kirsten…you've been great to us, through everything. Not just this."

Sandy seemed a bit bemused by the heartfelt speech.

"Thanks Julie…any you know I…_we_…are always here for you."

"Even if we're, well, not in Newport?"

The faces around her fell.

"What are you talking about?" Sandy asked, his voice dropping to a suddenly concerned and serious tone.

"With everything that's happened this year, we're…"

"We're moving."

Jimmy finished her thought, and they scanned the table, anticipating the reactions of the other five people.

Ryan impulsively squeezed Marissa's hand. They looked at her parents numbly, disbelief masking their faces. It wasn't possible. Her eyes widened as she struggled to speak intelligible words.

"What?"

Her voice was high and quiet, and she looked to her parents for a reasonable response. They had been joking. It was just a small joke to lighten the mood and any second now Jimmy would start laughing hysterically. Marissa waited. It never came. No laughs sounded from anywhere. Happiness was drained from inside their bodies with the two words…

"_We're moving_."

They echoed over and over in her head until the numbness subsided, shoved away by a sudden pang of sadness. It settled into her, filling her entire body. She felt it rising to her eyes, and before it could release itself outwardly, Marissa stood up and rushed away from the table.

"Marissa…"

Jimmy called after her, but she didn't turn around. Her limp body disappeared into the pool house, and Ryan stood up, silently excusing himself from the table as well. He opened the large glass door, his heart dropping as he witnessed her pain. She held her head weakly against her left palm, shaking with tears. Ryan sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. She felt his weight shift the mattress, but didn't look up. His arm wrapped around her bare shoulders, causing her to cry louder than before.

"It's okay," he whispered.

"It's okay…you still have time. We…_we_ still have time…"

"How long? A week?"

She looked up at him, the blueness of her eyes deluded with a flood of water. There wasn't a single answer that resonated with him. He didn't know when they were leaving, but he didn't want to let her go. A wet sensation began to build in his eyes. He shut them softly, urging himself not to cry. Instead, he wrapped his arm around her as tightly as possible, and closed his eyelids with more force than before.

Marissa let the tears stream down her face.

And he let the tears stream down his heart.

XXX

**A/N- Okay, guys…I know the end to that chapter wasn't exactly happy. But it's like the great Josh Schwartz once said, not all of the episodes can end happily! I really hope you enjoyed it, please Review and I'll have more up very soon!**


	8. Spread out like your breath

Disclaimer- The O.C. belongs to Josh Schwartz, and the one lyric in this chapter is from the song "The Sea and The Rhythm" by Iron & Wine.

**A/N- Thank you guys so much for the reviews! They mean so much to me, and it's great knowing that people are reading this. Here is the eighth chapter…this one is almost like a montage of scenes that will advance the plot in further chapters to come. I really hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 8

It seemed like eternity that they had been sitting on the edge of the bed together, complete silence filling the room. There was nothing he could think to say to make either of them feel better. The colors around them had faded into a muddy haze, and the sound of the opening door barely resonated with them.

"Marissa…"

Julie stepped into the pool house, overcompensating for the news with her apologetic voice. But her daughter didn't answer. She just stared at her mother with the numb sadness that traced a film across her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Marissa."

The only response was a faint humming from the radiator.

"You know this is what's for the best. It's the only way we can make this family work."

Marissa shut her eyes softly and stood up. She stayed in front of her mother, trying to process a response. But nothing would be appropriate. Instead, her arms crossed tightly around each other, and she walked towards the empty bathroom. Ryan's numb heart began to fill with rage and animosity towards the person who was tearing them apart.

"I know what you're going to say," she began defensively.

"What's that?"

He didn't have anything to say to her.

"Ryan. You _know_, after what just happened…it's not _stable_ for her to live in Newport anymore."

"This isn't about Marissa. You and I both know that."

"_What are you talking about?" _she questioned, a lump growing in her throat.

"If it was about Marissa you'd listen to what she wanted, instead of making decisions based on your own life agenda!"

"Ryan. When she was wrecking her life in that apartment with Alex, you convinced her to move back home. You _knew_ that's what she needed."

"That-that was different."

"Why? Because she wasn't with you? So you mean when you don't want to be involved in her life it's okay for me to make decisions for my own family..."

Ryan's face became tinted with a fuming red. He tried to suppress the anger in his voice, but it bounced off the walls like venom.

"Get out."

She stayed frozen for a second, and then turned to leave, refusing to look at his face. As the glass door shut softly behind her, the bathroom door swung open, revealing a tear stained Marissa. She walked hesitantly towards him, while he rushed towards her, bringing her into his arms. Her body shook silently against his as time froze once again and let them be.

XXXX

"I think this is becoming some sort of ritual," Seth began. "Taking walks down the beach when we have to say goodbye to someone."

The four friends walked through the sand, letting its moist crystals cool the soles of their feet. They had left the Cohen's as soon as possible, and were silently absorbing the pangs of sadness that shot through them. It was too much like last year-the part that destroyed them. Devastation rang through the almost invisible grey clouds.

Marissa looked up at the dark sky, and then to Ryan. Her feet brought her to the very edge of the shore, where the dampened sand meets the water. She felt her eyes glaze over, and didn't try to stop it. His hand reached her shoulder, and she felt her body tremble under its gentle touch.

_Tonight we're the sea and the rhythm there... The waves and the wind, the night is black…_

He stepped next to her and looked down at her hand. Her fingers trembled gently against the side of her leg. He rested the back of his hand on hers, willing her to take it. She could feel his questioning eyes, his desperate hope, and she put her fingers in his.

They looked out to the endless ocean, hand in hand, waiting, as their hearts were driven deep beneath the sea.

The door swung open at around ten in the morning, bringing Ryan Atwood and Julie Cooper face to face. Neither of their favorite way to start the day. He glared with hatred blazed into his eyes, waiting to be let in.

"What are you doing here?"

Unwilling to put up wit her spiteful interrogations, he allowed himself into the airy mansion.

"What do you think?" He scowled quietly, rushing passed her to the stairs.

"Don't you think it's best that you two distance yourselves a little? Marissa needs to learn how to live independently."

A hint of her old villainous tone sneaked into her voice.

"Meaning, without you."

Ryan sighed heavily, trying to suppress the boiling desire to say something he would regret. He gritted his teeth inside his mouth and continued to walk up the stairs.

"Don't you dare…"

"Try and stop me."

Julie was taken aback by his persistence, and by the fuming look in his eyes, she knew he wasn't letting up. After she silently succumbed, Ryan continued uninterrupted to Marissa's room.

He stepped over the threshold, his eyes grazing over the seemingly vacant area. Her presence wasn't visible, and Ryan started to get anxious. He scanned the room once more, hoping she in the bathroom. But as his eyes crossed from one wall to the other, he noticed a shapely figure underneath the burgundy comforter. Relieved, Ryan walked over to her and gently patted her covered body.

"Marissa?" He spoke softly. "Marissa…"

His hand shook her gently, and she withdrew the blanket from over her head. A smile naturally formed across his face as he watched her squint into the oppressive daylight. She seemed to be fading out of her subconscious state, and it took her a few more seconds than usual to register his presence.

"Ryan?"

"Hey," he said sweetly.

She pushed herself up to a sitting position, the sheets rolling down to her waist. His eyes immediately fell upon the upper half of her body, which was exposed in a lacy pink nightgown. She smiled at his unwavering concentration and pulled the covers back over her chest. Ryan returned her smile with the same shy grin, realizing he held his gaze for too long.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"About a quarter after ten. I wanted to know if maybe you wanted to do something

or-"

"Marissa…"

Julie barged into the room without bothering to apologize. In fact, she knew very well that she was interrupting something, which was quite clearly her intention.

"You're father and I are leaving in thirty minutes. Are you going to be okay here by yourself?"

"I'm not ten, mom. Besides, if it gets lonely I can always go to the Cohen's."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, sweetheart."

She paused, taking in the two hateful faces that stared at her own.

"I mean, with Kirsten gone, Sandy has a lot on his plate right now. I wouldn't want to impose on him."

Neither of them bought the excuse, and they let it show in their disbelieving eyes. Julie hesitated, unsure of how to react to the situation. She knew that they were both too intelligent to fall for any of her further tactics, so instead she thought a sweet gesture was the most fitting response. Making her way to the large four post bed, she leaned over and kissed her daughter gingerly on the cheek. Her small smile towards Ryan went unreturned, and she walked to the door proudly, hiding her understood defeat.

"We'll call you with the hotel number when we get there."

After failing to elicit a response from either of them, she smiled slightly and turned down the hallway.

"Where is she going?"

Marissa, now fully awake, shed the blankets from her body and stood up from bed. She walked over to the closet, avoiding Ryan's eyes as she answered the question. His stare fell once more on her barely clothed body, this time her entire figure teasing his presence. She thumbed through the rack of clothes and answered, her back turned to him.

"To look at houses."

"Where are they looking?" he replied somewhat absent-mindedly.

She unhooked a soft blue blouse from a hanger, letting the plethora of fabrics absorb her muffled voice.

"Napa Valley…"

Ryan was still distracted by her body, and the words registered slowly in his mind. Eventually, they resonated with him, hitting his conscience in full force.

"Wait- what?"

She turned around, witnessing the shock that overtook his face.

"But that's like…ten hours away."

"I think that's the point," she replied quietly.

Marissa watched his heart wrench in front of her, and it became unbearable. It was exactly how she was feeling.

"I'm gonna go take a shower. But then we can talk, about today?"

"Yeah, no, right," he answered distractedly.

Ryan fell back onto her bed as she stepped into the bathroom. His head turned to the side of her pillow, taking in her scent. It was unimaginable that soon he would no longer be able to smell her sweet aroma, and it would fade from his memory as the distance between them prolonged. He was scared to lose it, to lose her. Even when they weren't a couple, her presence was enough to bind them together. The thought of her fading into memories shattered his heart.

When she came out of the bathroom, Ryan felt a relief sweep over his body. He couldn't take the space between them, knowing only that it would soon be permanent. Her wet hair was dripping down her skin, making her natural beauty irresistible to him. He propped himself up against the headboard and she sat next to him on the edge of the bed.

"Why don't you come with me to the Cohen's?"

She hesitated, unsure of what he was asking.

"I mean, while your parents are gone…"

Marissa let her eyelids flutter shut with discomfort. She didn't want to leave him, but if they spent the rest of her days in Newport together, it would make moving even harder.

"Ryan….I don't know, I just think-"

"What?"

"You know that if…if we spend this time together…"

Her voice cracked in a soft undertone as her eyes began to fill with salty water.

"It's just going make everything harder."

"How the hell could it get any harder?"

The anger in his voice shot through her, and she quickly diverted her eyes to the blanket.

"Marissa…I-"

He pushed himself forward, his forehead coming close to hers. His voice dropped to a whisper as he felt the words coming out of his mouth.

"I don't want to lose you. Not-not again."

Their eyes became caught up in each other's, lost in the moment of passion. An overwhelming intensity brought their mouths together, her head falling under the touch of his hungry lips. They felt it with the same power as their first kiss, and approached it like it was their last. His hand cupped her cheek gently as the momentum gathered inside their hearts. The first rush of passion reached its climax, and they separated, concentrated unwaveringly on the other one's mouth. Exhaling, he bumped his forehead onto hers and took a lock of her wavy hair in his hand. The dampness rubbed off onto his thumb, and he let his fingers circulate tenderly around the strands. He felt her heavy breath on his face, and glided his free hand towards the warm skin underneath her shirt. The friction between his fingertips and her back sent echoes of intensity through their bodies. He caught her lips in his as his hand began to undress her, moving seamlessly over her skin.

He continued to deepen the kiss, and she responded with a gracious sweep of her lips against his. But her fingers began to drum rapidly against the mattress, her conscience conflicted by the heat of the moment verses the hesitation pounding in her brain. His lips brushed against her neck, taking in the softness of her skin.

"Mmm…wait, wait…"

He stopped immediately, and looked up at her, his breath short and heaving. After a sustained pause, she stood up hastily and took a step back.

"This isn't fair…You can't do this to me…"

She panted anxiously and rushed out of the room, leaving him alone and completely flustered on her bed.

The door closed behind her, and she let a heavy sigh sink through the narrow hallway. If she stayed there, Ryan would never leave her room an attempt to avoid an awkward confrontation. So she rushed to the stairs, her feet echoing heavily against the high ceilings.

XXXX

She thrust the keys into the ignition, desperate to escape from the haunted mansion. The car swerved violently onto the main road, picking up speed with every rapid heart beat that pounded inside her chest. She needed to talk to someone who would understand what was going on, someone who would listen fully and comfort her stirring heart.

XXXX

"Sorry, I didn't have time to go to the drugstore today!"

Summer's irritated voice rang through the room, hoping to ward off her evil step mom. But to her dismay, the doorknob began to twist.

"Picking up painkillers for the step monster?"

She was relieved to see a sane and botox-free Marissa standing in the doorway and paused the soft voice that sounded from her stereo.

"She wants to try this new homeopathic medicine…It's like, natural, and less trippy."

"Right, well, if it works tell her to give me call," Marissa joked lightly.

"Woah, Coop." The look of alarm on her face transcribed into her voice. "Remember what happened last time I left you with my step mom's painkillers?"

"Yeah, I know," she replied glumly, taking a seat on the edge of her friend's bed.

"Marissa…"

Concern echoed through her best friend's voice.

"What happened?"

Summer took sat down next to her, searching her face with intentness. She watched as Marissa paused, the thoughts beginning to form coherently on her face.

"It's with Ryan…"

"Couldn't have guessed _that._"

"We were in my room, and I don't know, I just sort of stormed off on him…"

"Why? What'd he do? I swear I will shrink all of his wife beaters and make him walk around

na-"

"He told me he couldn't lose me again."

"Oh."

"And then, we were kissing and I…I don't know…I can't stay-"

A sob broke out of her last word and she was pulled into her friend's embrace.

"Oh, sweetie…" she whispered consolingly.

"I don't want to go…"

Her body shook in her friend's arms as she let pounds of built up emotion pour out onto her shoulder.

"I know. But you can't avoid him. Marissa, you should spend this time with him, because when you move, there's gonna be something coming between your relationship that can't be fixed. But right now, the only thing that's creating the distance is you."

The uncomfortable realization had been floating around inside of her since she walked out of her bedroom. Once again, _she_ was coming in between them. She blamed herself for having to leave, for complicating his life. But Summer was right. Two years of memories were shelled up inside of her heart…one more week wouldn't make saying goodbye any easier.

"You should talk to him."

Marissa offered a small, appreciative smile.

"I know. I will."

She walked to the door, but a sudden trivial curiosity stopped her from leaving.

"Oh, by the way…what were you listening to before?"

"My audiotape of Excuse Me, Your life is Waiting. Have you read it yet?"

"Umm…I've been kind of busy."

"Okay, so I confess. I never really read it _either._ Just listened."

"And here I was thinking Summer Roberts was capable of reading an _actual book_!"

Summer smirked lightheartedly and rolled her eyes.

"Go talk to your boyfriend."

And that was exactly what she was going to do.

**A/N- I'd also like to stress the fact that I do have the whole moving thing figured out, so don't worry too much! And the next chapter is basically complete RM romance, so review and it should be up in a few days! Thanks!**


	9. Move like waves

6/22/2005

_I still don't own it. And the lyrics in this chapter are from the song The Sea and The Rhythm by Iron & Wine_

A/N- Where can I start? Your reviews were amazing, I don't even know what to say. Sis2acesar salad, I'm so glad you've start to read and review. Thank you so much for you comments, I loved seeing the progression of what you had to say between chapters. KC-Chick, SassyJazz, kursk, Cathy, Jackie, Crumbs, jessie4569, PuRsE-FaNaTiC, Gallot-Master, MalibuBarbie253, RainyGal, Kym, and of course I-Believe-in-the-butterflies- Thank you so much! I'm so happy you're still reading! And to all of my other loyal reviewers, you guys are the best! Sorry for the wait, I've been so busy with State Exams. Here you go, chapter 9!

Marissa looked through the hazy glass doors, trying to discern his silhouette against the dim light. Night had fallen, another one of her numbered days drifting into eternal memory. When she had left Summer's, her plan was to drive straight to his house and apologize for the day's beginning. But due to emotional exhaustion and minimal sleep, a tired spell cast over her eyelids as she pulled onto the main road. And Marissa knew more than anyone-trying to engage in stable conversation when incoherent was not worth the risk.

Her five hour nap proved to be incredibly helpful to her physical and mental health. She woke up as the sun began to fade, feeling refreshed and unburdened. And most of all, feeling ready to create a new slate of memories with Ryan, even if only in her short remainder of time. She rested her hand on the handle and hesitated briefly, before pulling the door open.

"Hi…"

His voice rang with a small degree of alarm, surprised by her sudden appearance inside the pool house. He propped himself against the side of the bed, trying to walk over to her. But she reached him before he could stand up, the corner of her lips forming a small smile. She bent over, resting her knees on the hard floor. Slowly, her hand made its way from her side into his lap, locking their fingers together. She looked down, absorbing the way they fit so perfectly together. The blood would circulate from the tip of his finger into hers, defying the limits of their bodies. His worn knuckles grazed the sides of her palm, soaking in the warmth that pulsed between them. They could go on forever with their hands moving across each other, exploring the binds of their intertwined life.

After awhile, she let her fingers stay still in his, and moved her free hand to his face. The strength of his jaw cowered underneath her touch, and he closed his eyes, letting his senses melt into her control. She traced a line down his neck, feeling the blood echo from his heart. The persistence of their frozen moment haunted his mind as her warm fingertips settled onto his chest.

"Stay with me," he stuttered pleadingly.

He brought his hand up to hers, forcing his heart beat to permeate through their tangled fingers. She couldn't respond with any words to the desperate look in his eyes. Instead, she stretched her forehead to match with his, letting her closeness distract him from his pain. Her lips caught onto his, but after only a few seconds he pulled away.

"You can stay here…with the Cohens…"

Marissa silenced him with another kiss, and he knew they had been defeated.

Ryan and Marissa walked silently into the kitchen, her body lingering a little bit behind his. Their sudden presence brought Sandy from his newspaper, looking up into the two sets of tortured blue eyes. He furrowed his brow in understanding, hoping to elicit something more than a silent response.

"Marissa's gonna stay for dinner…if that's okay."

"Of course. Did you tell your parents?" Sandy asked.

Marissa paused and began concentrating deeply on her shoelaces, avoiding eye contact with the other two in the room.

"They're out of town. Napa Valley."

Her eyes met with Sandy's paternal stare, willing her to speak the rest of her words.

"They're looking for houses there."

Ryan instinctively reached out and wrapped his hand around her arm, as if she were falling slowly and he needed to steady her. But his touch made her tremble, letting already vulnerable feelings surface in the tension filled room. And Sandy knew better than to dwell on the subject. Instead, he stood up and passed the couple, pouring the remainder of his wine into the sink. The bitter aroma dispersed into the air, hinting the room with a sense of romance. Marissa let the passing scent engulf her as Ryan's sleeve brushed her bare arm.

"When are they coming back?" Sandy inquired, breaking the moment.

"I don't know, it depends on how fast they find something I guess."

Sandy smirked and walked back to the drawer, pulling out a take out menu.

"Well knowing your mother, that shouldn't be too long."

Ryan and Marissa struggle to look amused, but their unwavering solemnity indicated failure.

"Well while your parents are gone, why don't you stay with us?" Sandy proposed, trying his hardest to uplift their broken spirits.

"Are you sure that's okay?"

"Marissa, you're family."

A comforting pause in his speech settled with them before he spoke again.

"And God knows we have the room, so…while I wait for the food, you go get your stuff from your house."

"Thanks," Marissa whispered appreciatively. She began to walk towards the door when turning to Ryan, questioning silently whether he would join her.

"You know what…I'm gonna stay here. Help Sandy make sure everything's in order."

"Like what? Taking out the forks? You know, Kirsten didn't do that much around the kitchen," Sandy mused.

"Yeah, no, I know…but I'm just gonna hang here. I'll see you in a bit," he said to Marissa, who smiled half heartedly.

"Okay."

Her voice cracked with disappointment, and she exited through the glass door behind her. When she was out of sight, Sandy turned towards Ryan with confused and displeased eyes.

"What the hell was that about? Marissa needs you to be there for her right now."

Ryan shrugged off the heavy dissatisfaction and turned towards the refrigerator.

"Perfect," he said with conviction, scanning his eyes over the long Subzero shelves. He removed a package of sliced American cheese and a bag of bread, placing them on the marble counter.

"Do me a favor? Boil some water, and keep Seth away from the grill."

He spoke hastily and rushed out to the backyard before Sandy could voice his confusion. He had twenty minutes to pull of one of the most romantic gestures of his life, which for him, was not enough.

XXX

Marissa found him by the pool house, standing over a fuming grill. She watched as his back stayed to her, unaware of her presence. And suddenly, all of the anxiety drained from her body. She could feel the earth below her come to a sudden halt, throwing her into the still frame of a vivid memory.

"You should have told me," she said, turning his focus from the grilled cheese to her. "I would have brought the macaroni."

Ryan smiled knowingly and picked up a large steaming bowl from beside him. He handled the sandwiches carefully, dropping them onto a single plate. His dancing blue eyes smiled at her with the same fresh look as two years ago.

"Dinner is served."

XXXX

Their crusts lay side by side, uneaten on the small blue dish. Marissa concentrated on her feet, rising and sinking continuously though the cool water. She felt comfortable sitting on the edge of the pool with him, the sides of their arms touching ever so slightly. And yet when he leaned forward, letting his fingers trail across the water's surface, she cold feel his muscles contract against her. He splashed her leg lightheartedly, hoping to keep the night as perfect and isolated from the world as it seemed.

"So," he started. "As good as it was two years ago?"

"Definitely."

She smiled sincerely and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, staring at the circles her feet drew in the water. He studied her profile carefully; the long eyelashes blinking against her skin, the smooth contours of her cheek, her lips still curved in a smile. He wanted to say something to her, but every time his mouth opened, the words would stay in his throat. But before he had time to dwell on it, she broke the silence.

"Thanks. For this."

"I just wanted to do something. Help, somehow."

She stared with appreciative eyes and kissed his lips tenderly.

"Come on."

Marissa brought herself off the ground and took hold of his hand, helping him stand up. They walked over to the very corner of the pool, trying to relive the entire memory.

"You ready?" he asked.

"On second thought, I don't really think I want to."

"No?"

"No."

"Alright."

Slightly disappointed, he began to clean their dinner remnants, when she turned around and grabbed hold of his waist. His foot slipped off the edge of the pool, immersing their tangled bodies into the cold water. They plunged through its shocking effect together, her hands grabbing onto his sleeve. When they emerged above the rippling surface, everything around them slowed down. The quiet breeze no longer swayed with the grass. The illuminated pool stood almost perfectly still, the swells of water becoming more distant. He focused on her face, the power of her shy blue eyes overwhelming him. Though she begged inside for this moment, she could feel herself becoming timid. He was gazing through her body, unwrapping every emotion, every thought, every worry that overcame her being. She was giving herself wholly to him, through one still moment in time. Smiling, she dipped her head underneath the surface, distracting herself from the intensity of their connection.

Ryan could feel his body shiver in the night air. Even with her under the water, his thoughts were barely able to form. He looked at her body, blending seamlessly with the inside of the pool. Her hair was spread out like a fountain of waves, and her eyes stayed shut, fluttering softly as the current crashed over their lids. He felt her innocence seeping through the water, everything she had grown to be rising with its upward flow. His body swayed backwards from the impressions that circled around him, but it went unnoticed.

Marissa emerged back into the night; her hair falling naturally behind her face, water dripping down her cheeks. She smiled at his vulnerable eyes, and grabbed onto his arm, drawing herself closer. Ryan wrapped his arms around her waist, taking a small step towards her. He rested the side of his face against her flushed cheek, holding her in his hands. The ends of her hair grazed his skin gently as she let him cradle her body.

"I love you."

His soft, whispered words pierced through the night, echoing off the sides of her body. She felt herself slipping from his grasp, and held on tightly to his neck. Pulling her head over his shoulder, she looked passed the glowing pool to ocean waves cycling endlessly against the eroding shore. His head was buried deeply in her neck, saving him from the rest of the world.

"You too," she breathed softly.

They danced slowly in each other's arms as the music of their faint breaths washed over the night.

XXXX

Marissa watched from the doorway as he fished through the wooden shelves, searching for two clean towels. His body was bent over, hugged and exposed by a characteristic white wife beater. She smiled slightly at the sight of his movements, feeling safe and protected by his presence in the isolated pool house.

Her grin caught onto his face as he walked towards her, partly from the power of the memory, but also from the happiness of the moment. He wrapped the towel around her shoulders, pulling her shivering body into his strong build. But the moment the space between them closed, so did their mouths. He let go of his grip on her towel and ran his fingers tenderly down the sides of her arms. His lips swept across her wet face as if he could wash away every ounce of pain she felt. And he did.

They landed on the soft mattress, their bodies blending seamlessly together into the sea of sheets. Marissa tangled her fingers in his dampened hair, pressing his rough cheek against her neck. She let his lips travel passionately down her body, the care and concentration in his every movement overwhelming. His fingers ran over her back as she slipped out of the light blue shirt. The rest of their clothes were shed to the floor within minutes, and the covers were pulled around their bodies.

_Our hands they seek the end of afternoon_

_My hands believe and move over you_

She could feel his nakedness slide over her with confidence, his powerful arms engulfing her fragile frame. Together, they created a wave of new motion, cradling their love with gentle passion. She opened her eyes for the last time, creating an irreversible covenant with his. There was no longer any distance between them. No matter how many steps stood between their bodies, they were forever intertwined, bound by a force deeper than land. Their bodies stayed pressed together through the endless, flowing night.

_Your hands they move like waves over me _

_Beneath the moon, tonight, we're the sea_


	10. The pillow where you lie

6/28/2005

Disclaimer- I don't own The O.C.

A/N- I owe you all a note of gratitude and apology. First, I am sorry for the lack of update. This chapter is almost, in a way, for my sake to understand where the characters are coming from. So in a T.V. show, it would be sensible to make a few scenes and string them together, but I had been afraid that putting this sort of thing in a fanfic would work. Anyway, I sucked it up and decided it was a necessary part of the story, so here it is. Also, I wanted to say thank you for all of the feedback- honestly, it's so overwhelming and makes me so happy. And KC Chick, words cannot describe how much I appreciate your reviews, all I can say is I'm glad you're enjoying it!

The sun blazed straight through the glass walls into Ryan Atwood's eyes. They succumbed briefly and fluttered opened for a few seconds. After letting out a small groan in protest of the daylight, he rolled over onto Marissa's back and buried his face in her neck. A slight laugh escaped her mouth, muffled by the soft pillow. He smiled and nuzzled his forehead affectionately in her hair, trying to wake her completely.

"Five more minutes…"

Ryan's eyes darted to her pillow, and he slowly pulled it out from under her. She looked up once her head thudded slightly against the mattress, an amused smile playing across her face. He admired the way the sun's rays illuminated her laughing face, the blueness dancing in her eyes. But Marissa snapped him out of his daze, grabbing the pillow and smacking his chest with it. He lifted his hands in a playful protest as a realization dawned in his mind. He was lying in bed with the most beautiful girl in the world, on the most beautiful day in the world, with the most beautiful sunrise warming their bodies. A strong happiness lifted inside his heart, and he tried his best to keep it aflame.

"That's what you get for waking me up."

"Well you have to get up eventually, right?"

She looked up at the ceiling, light shadows floating across its surface. A smile lit her eyes as she rested her arms complacently across the white sheets.

"No. I don't need to wake up. I am going to spend the rest of my life right here."

She paused briefly, a satisfaction crawling through her body. Ryan sighed quietly and waited for her to turn to him. He placed a soft, still kiss on her freshly awakened lips, wanting to hold on to the moment forever. They both knew she couldn't stay. She was going to have to leave Newport eventually, whether it be in a week or a month. But right now they were living in a world of fantasy and love. And as long as they were together, it was easy to pretend she would never have to go.

"I'm gonna go take a shower," she said sweetly.

Ryan smiled at the thought of her using his towels, showering in the same place he did, wearing his clothes. He watched as she wrapped the sheets around her body and walked confidently towards the bathroom, her hair only slightly tousled from sleep. The sun was too bright now to go back to bed, and he didn't want to waste a single moment of the day. Instead he leaned back against her pillow, breathing in her lingering scent and listening to the water crash down on her unclothed body.

XXXX

Seth sat against the headboard of his twin sized bed, twirling a particularly dismayed Captain Oats in his fingers. His lanky legs crouched against his chest, and he began to trot the plastic horse over his knees.

"Mr. Oats," he mumbled to himself. "I like it. Very distinguished. Now all you need is a tuxedo and a bowtie and you'll be an Orange County regular."

When the horse failed to respond, Seth set him down on the thin mattress and leaned his head back against the wall. His eyes were sullen and dry, lacking their usual enthusiasm. It seemed like whenever his world began to build back to the way it was, something would break the progression. All Seth Cohen wanted was to hold his life firmly in his hands, but every time he was certain he had a strong grasp, it began to slip. His mother's admittance into a rehab center was the first rupture to shake his newfound stability. The nightmare with Trey still haunted everyone involved. And now with Marissa leaving, it felt like an irreversible curse had been cast upon his life.

A hesitant knock on the door interrupted Seth's thoughts, and he adjusted his slouched posture in an attempt to look somewhat alive. Rather than inviting the person into the room, he waited for their inevitable entrance. And soon enough, a pair of feet began to shuffle through the doorway.

"Hey Cohen," Summer said sweetly.

"Hey," he murmured, glancing at her quickly and then directing a faint smile to the blanket below him. He watched out of the corner of her eye as she took a seat on the bed, leaning her head back into the disarray of pillows. Her hand grasped his, caressing his fingers as they sat numb to her touch.

"She'll be back soon you know."

"I know."

Seth paused and looked at her gratefully, attempting to seem a little bit happier since she came. The sympathy and understanding in her eyes was so overwhelming that he couldn't help but open up to her.

Shifting his body to the side, he tightened his hold on her hand and began to talk.

"I just can't help thinking that I caused her to do it."

"Seth, you're not the reason why she drinks."

He looked up at her, hopeful that she would have some wise, comforting words. But when nothing came, he diverted his glance and began to fumble with the toy horse.

"Yeah well, she used to be a workaholic and now she's an alcoholic, so…"

There was nothing she could respond with, and Seth began to feel guilty for creating such an awkward moment. Instead of letting the heavy silence pass, he interrupted it.

"How are you doing with everything? With Marissa leaving?"

"Honestly?" she began. "I feel like breaking into the step monster's medicine cabinet."

"I know how you feel. Too well. Losing your best friend…"

"Yeah, only yours came back."

This time is was Seth who was failing to respond. After a few seconds, he patted her head gently and slumped further down on the bed.

"Promise me one thing?" he asked.

"Sure."

"You won't sail away on any boats when she leaves."

"Well, I can only try my best."

She rested her head on his shoulder as his arm wrapped around her, both of them trying to stay convinced that everything wasn't lost.

XXXXX

Marissa stepped out of the shower, her skin glistening with stagnant drops of water. Seeing her wrapped in the soft towel confirmed Ryan's belief that he could go on forever living only with her in the spacious pool house. Noticing his adoring smile, she excused the fact that she wasn't dressed.

"I left my clothes in the guestroom, so…"

"I can go get them," he offered.

"Thanks," she said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Ryan, seeming slightly despaired to leave her, walked out of the glass doors into the day. He paused for a moment, letting the sun bathe its warmth over his muscular arms. He looked out to the glistening ocean, and back to the glistening girl inside his room. This fantasy life he was building seemed more appealing by the minute. It was also blinding him from a reality he would soon have to face.

He stumbled through the kitchen door and was immediately greeted by Seth and Summer's solemn faces. They diverted their eyes from the assortment of cereal boxes to Ryan, acknowledging him with slight nods.

"Hey," Ryan said contently.

He began to walk through the kitchen when the dead appearances if his two friends fully registered with him. They were sitting over two empty bowls of cereal, staring at the juvenile cartoons on the back of the boxes.

"Aren't you going to eat it?" he asked.

"Reading the box Ryan," Seth replied in his most monotone voice.

Ryan shook his head and began to exit the kitchen, when the phone rang. Nonchalantly, he put it to his ear and walked over to the counter, grabbing a handful of cereal.

"Hello?" he asked through a mouthful of cheerios.

"Ryan. It's Julie."

Ryan swallowed the remnants of cereal and leaned back into the hard counter, a humorless expression masking his face.

"What do you want?"

"No need to use that tone," she chirped. "I just wanted to know if my _daughter_ since no one's answering at home."

"Yes, she's here. Why?"

"It just figures," she whined. "It's so like her to disobey my rules."

"And I wonder why she does that."

"I will not have you talking to me like that! Please, put Marissa on the phone."

"She's still sleeping," he lied.

"It's ten o'clock. Did you get her drunk again?"

"I'll have Marissa call you back when she wakes up."

And with that, he hung up on the woman who was ruining his life. And more importantly, Marissa's. He walked out of the kitchen without regard of the eyes that followed his path. The first dose of reality had hit heavily, but he would not let his happiness drown under the power of Julie Cooper.

XXXX

His spirits lifted when he reentered the pool house, seeing Marissa lie across his bed. She didn't notice his presence until he placed her bag next to him, awaking her from a strong reverie.

"Hey," she said softly. "What took so long?"

She began to unzip the bag, waiting for his answer.

"Well, Seth and Summer were in the kitchen. And…. your mom called," he muttered.

Unfortunately, not low enough to avoid her hearing.

"Wait, what? What did she want?"

"I don't know, I told her you were sleeping. You should call her back."

"That's a great way to start the morning."

"I know what you mean."

They exchanged faint smiles and she reached over to the phone on his nightstand, clutching the towel around her chest.

"Might as well get it over with," she sighed before dialing the number.

Her mother's voice flooded through the phone, the words she spoke becoming barely audible to Ryan.

"Marissa…" she started tentatively, almost shyly.

"Hi mom."

"You're staying at the Cohens…Don't you think Sandy has enough to deal with?"

"He said I could," she replied with a hint of defense lurking in her voice.

"Of course he did. This is the same man who let a juvenile delinquent stay in his ten million dollar mansion."

Marissa ignored her mother and looked up at Ryan, who seemed embarrassed by the words. His eyes darted to floor, causing a surge of hostility to conquer her tone.

"What are you calling for mom? Because as much as I enjoy listening to you insult my boyfriend, I have things to do."

"Your father and I will be home tomorrow. And I booked the ballroom, so the last black tie even could be our own, hmm?" She raised her voice in a smug proposal, hoping to lighten the mood.

"So you found something."

"Yes. Marissa, you'll love it. It's stunning."

"Right," her voice rang with dry sarcasm. "I've gotta go. But thanks for calling."

She hung up the phone before Julie could spoil her mood even more. Ryan noticed her dazed eyes, stare numbly at the square tiles in front of her. It was official. She was moving. He sat down next to her on the edge of the bed, letting the mattress sink slightly below them. A hesitant hand reached out and brushed her shoulder, afraid she would release an upheaval of sadness. But before she could let the emotions reach the outward world, a sliding creak sounded from doorway.

"Hey Ryan, Maris-"

Seth stopped himself when his eyes landed on the barely dressed girl.

"Wow, okay. You're in a towel. And this is awkward."

Marissa cleared her throat and leaned behind Ryan's back, hiding her unclothed body. She reached out behind her and grabbed a shirt from the bag, holding it against her chest in protection. Seth noticed the humorless anticipating expression on Ryan's face, and began to stumble over his words.

"So Summer needs to go to South Coast. I don't know why but that girl seems to have a constant need to shop. It's like eating to her."

The small smile that formed on Ryan's face was encouragement for him to continue speaking.

"Would you guys maybe wanna come? I mean, when you're dressed."

Ryan turned to Marissa for consent, and when he saw her eyes light up at the prospect of shopping, he couldn't help but give in. He had never known anyone before who had such a power over him; who he would give anything for just to see a smile on her face.

"Okay, sure. We'll meet you in the kitchen in like, twenty minutes."

XXXX

The four teens strolled down the busy pier, half eaten slices of pizza wedged in between their hands. Summer had a collection of shopping bags slung over her shoulders, while Marissa didn't buy anything. She was just too dead spirited to muster enough strength for shopping. The idea of spending a day with her three favorite people was incredibly appealing, but it seemed to be a tease. A reminder of what she would be leaving behind.

"What now?" Summer asked, the temporary shopper's fatigue having already worn off.

"Summer, haven't you shopped enough for one day?"

"You should know by now, Seth. There is no such thing as too much shopping."

"Maybe not for you. But for the male half of the species it is a very exhausting, and monotonous, and I just want to go home!"

The three others looked at Seth with bewildered expressions. Realizing that he had exaggerated his hatred of the feminine sport and once again over stepped his boundaries, he quickly tried to muster a reasonable suggestion of how to spend the rest of the day.

"Who wants a milkshake? Huh?" He persuaded.

A very eager Summer sped up her lively walk, pulling her boyfriend along with her.

"Come on Cohen! Black and white milkshakes await!"

"Black and white? Since when do you drink black and white? I always thought you liked strawberry…"

"Since Zach," she asserted, positive it would throw him off.

"That guy! What happened to that guy?"

Both Ryan and Marissa laughed slightly at the fading conversation ahead. It was the first time they had been alone throughout the entire day, and both wanted to take advantage of the short walk to the diner. He looked at her compassionately, having witnessed the pain engraved in her eyes since they had left. Sighing inaudibly, Ryan wished to himself that they had never left the pool house that morning. Then he wouldn't have to worry about facing reality. Which meant facing the fact that tomorrow he would be dressing up to say goodbye to Marissa Cooper.


	11. Tonight is Black

7/9/2005

**I don't own The O.C.**

**A/N- Hey guys! Your reviews are AMAZING, thank you so much. This chapter is pretty long, I truly hope you enjoy it. I'm thinking the next one might be the last, but I'm working on another fic which will be posted after this one gets wrapped up.**

His reflection that night was alarmingly similar to the first time he had stood in front of the tall, glossy mirror. The suit carried the familiar clean scent, pressed neatly into its delicate seams. He hiked the collar up on his neck and began to fumble with his tie when his eyes caught the whole of his image. The contours of his jaw remained tight and firm, leading to his thin, concentrated lips. Ryan forced eye contact with his reflection, noticing the heavy burden pressed into the blue irises. They were full of hidden knowledge he refused to share with the world. With no one but her.

After two years in Newport, he had learned to let down his guard down and treed in vulnerable waters. Now, he was resorting to the silent intellect he had worn during his first few nights in the town. The shield of protection had gradually eroded as he began to spend more time with her. But that was in the past now. He was allowing himself to relapse into a time before he had met Marissa Cooper. Before their lives had collided. Before he had known what love was.

Ryan considered the length of his tie, adjusting it so the thicker part hung to his belt buckle. He glanced once more in the mirror, considering the prospect of shaving the slight shadow that had formed along his face. It was alarming how his appearance could shift from a carefree youth to a burdened soul within a few days. If someone had asked him, he would relate his unconcerned nature to the glossy lust filled Newport Beach, and his matured cynicism to the grimy city of Chino. Now, the comparison of life with Marissa Cooper verses life without her seemed more fitting.

The tie had finally fallen into place, hugging the white collar tightly to his neck. He had never quite gotten used to the nagging pressure that fastened around his throat, even after the countless parties and charities events he'd been forced to against his will. And for some reason, Ryan felt this one was going to be a bit more painful than sitting through one of the Newport's typical social galas.

He closed the collapse of his wristwatch and checked the time. The party started in half an hour, which meant Seth should be barging in on him any minute. Glancing through the glass doors, he assured that no one would interrupt the last moments of his privacy. When he saw nothing but the stagnant pool outside, Ryan opened the top drawer of his nightstand. It was almost completely empty despite a few thin paperbacks and mixed CDs. But the most noticeable item amongst the others was a small, velvet pouch resting innocently against the wooden texture. Ryan pulled it out and thumbed the material gently before dropping it deep into the pocket of his pants.

XXXX

Marissa tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and continued to force a smile. She was being targeted by one of the chief Newpsies, a slender redhead named Stephanie. The woman was ranting endlessly about the fine wine produced in Napa Valley, while Marissa seemed more concentrated on the whiteness of her teeth. She couldn't figure out how this lady managed to keep such a wide grin plastered on her face with such enthusiasm, all the while baring dental structures of the most horrifically artificial white she had ever seen. She also wondered how much it must have cost her husband to buy her the new, collagen injected set of lips that pillowed the deep white fangs.

"And if anything, you must go to the Chateau Potelle. You have to schedule an appointment to tour the winery, but it's just to die for."

Marissa nodded slightly and tore her eyes off of the lady's bubbling mouth, only to have them involuntarily land on her nose. She could swear that it resembled Michael Jackson's in one of his earlier phases of surgery, before it looked completely like an inserted chicken bone. The thought of Stephanie going in for one more round and coming out with a patch of cartilage missing from the tip of her nose scared her. The thought of Stephanie looking in the mirror afterwards and feeling prettier than before the surgery scared her even more.

Before she could find obvious botox injections planted in her cheeks, Marissa's eyes caught onto someone much more flattering to look at. She sighed with relief as he walked off to her, amusement dancing across his face. Out of politeness, Marissa turned back to the lady and pretended to listen intently for the last few seconds of her continuous rant. But out of the corner of her eye, she could see Ryan edging closer, eventually making his way to her side. He prodded her elbow gently and stepped forward, making his presence visible.

"Can I borrow her for a second?" he asked.

The phony woman smiled in consent and watched as the two walked briskly away. Once they had rounded on the back entrance, Marissa checked to see if they were in audible distance of anyone. Confirming the negative, she sighed heavily and eyed Ryan with relief.

"Thanks for rescuing me from the spawn of Chuckie over there."

He smiled sweetly and looked out to the tempting yard, promising solitude and peace of mind.

"Need a break?"

Marissa nodded enthusiastically and followed him down the steps into the darkening night. They stood side by side, his hands fetched deep into his pockets, her hands grabbing the flesh of her arms. The sleeve of his clean collared shirt brushed her side, sending a spell of urgency through her body. They found a large tree a few feet from their signature wooden bench. It was where he had first wrapped a jacket around her trembling shoulders; where he had danced with her last.

They were hooded underneath the constellation of leaves, permitting the streaming light from the moon to seep through uncovered sky. Marissa leaned against the harsh bark and breathed in its mint smell. The soft jazz was streaming from inside the ball room, sending a faraway fantasy to her mind.

"So, I have something for you," he began.

The split second he spent fumbling in his pocket allowed for her suspense to grow, and her heart jolted when she saw the black velvet pouch. Slowly, Ryan pulled out a golden chain from inside, revealing a pendant of shining pendant in the shape of the moon. Her mouth hung slightly opened without a single utterance, and her eyes were fixed on its sparkling reflection.

"It just reminded me of you, so" he remarked humbly.

Her voice was staggered as she commented on its beauty as she watched Ryan step behind her, concentration narrowing his eyes. The thin crescent fell onto her while his fingers collapsed the necklace together, working softly against her back. He took a tentative step away after the prolong moment ceased and his hands moved out from under her fallen hair.

Marissa turned around to find him standing on a thick patch of grass by the tree's roots. His face was painted with anticipation of her reaction, hopefulness lighting his eyes. But for the first time in awhile, she couldn't find accurate words to express her emotions. Instead, she came closer to his anxious body and place a slight, tender kiss on his bottom lip.

"So you like it?" he asked with concern.

She laughed breathily and caught his lips again, this time eliciting a small response. The timid kisses grew as they cornered their bodies against the thin bark. Marissa rested her hands on his shoulders, moving her mouth passionately in his. She waited for his fingers to rest gingerly on her waist, a sign of his affection and desire. After she felt a quick, stroking touch on the side of her thigh, Marissa became sure of the satisfaction she was bringing him. Her hands made their way underneath his tie, and hastily undid the middle of his shirt, sneaking over the white, defining tank top. She explored the regions over the material with a steadfast hunger, and at the same time felt his mouth work diligently across hers. His arms lay still by his sides, allowing him to enjoy the sensation of her hands caressing his body. As the moment grew, he found himself pleasing her through nothing but his mouth.

"Marissa!" a voice shrieked from the steps of the ballroom.

The two stopped abruptly and turned around, their bodies still only inches apart.

"Get back in there! This party is for you!"

"No, mom," she began heatedly. "This party's for _you_."

Julie sighed in unworldly protest, a cross look shielding her eyes. She took a hesitant step forwards, gripping tightly to the rusted railing.

"Shelly Long wants to see you. So I suggest that you find your way back through that door, or suffer the consequences."

"What consequences?" she interrogated. "How could you possible manage to make my life any worse?"

Julie knew too well not to try to respond, because she couldn't possibly come up with anything to say. Instead, she shot them one more fuming glare and turned around, strutting proudly back to the social façade that awaited her return.

The interrupted solitude had come again, but their momentum of passion had been destroyed. Ryan inhaled quickly and fixed his shirt, noticing a fairly embarrassed Marissa looking to the mossy ground. He smiled with the intentions of easing her sudden shyness, and stuck out his hand to hers. Marissa noticed his fingers drumming softly against the side of her hand, and she brought her palm into his. They walked back to the wide staircase as if they had all the time in the world, feeling each uneven step underneath their feet. As the scene of her farewell party ambushed their sore eyes, Ryan let go of her hand and wrapped his own across her waist. He hugged her close to his side while they walked into the chandelier lit area, only to be confronted by an overeager guest.

"Marissa!" she squealed. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks, so do you."

"Please, I could never have the kind of body you do. Even if I was twenty years younger. Cardio bar hasn't worked and I gained back all the weight I lost on the zone, so…"

It was obvious that the aging lady was attempting to act like Marissa's contemporary, much like the rest of her mother's friends. Having received nothing but a feigned smile in response, she quickly changed the subject.

"And who is this handsome man next to you?"

"Oh, this is my boyfriend. Ryan."

A look of pride crept onto Marissa's face and became apparent in her voice as she spoke.

"Of course," she began smugly. "Aren't you the one who burned down Caleb Nichol's model home? God bless his deceased soul" she added solely for effect. When Ryan failed to respond, however, she answered for him.

"I'd hate to have that on my record."

"So, Mrs. Long…" Marissa started to question her out of spite for speaking down to Ryan.

"Please, call me Shelly."

"Shelly." She corrected herself. "Has Mr. Long returned from the Philippines yet?"

The woman's face muscles tightened as she swallowed obscenely. It was common knowledge in Newport that Shelly's husband had run off with the exotic housekeeper about a month prior. She had tried to convince the meddlesome town that the young lady had gotten deported and her husband was stuck overseas on business. But the truth quickly seeped out, even to the young, hustling teens of Orange County.

"No, Marissa. Not yet."

"Well I'm sure he'll be back soon," she comforted.

Shelly smiled, but the blatant dismay that had taken over her face told Marissa that she no longer wanted to talk. Which was perfectly fine on both parts. After excusing herself to go "powder her nose," Marissa moved away from the horribly disengaging conversation. She pulled Ryan's arm off her waist and clung to it heavily, making an uninterrupted trip to the shadowed corner of the ballroom.

"How much longer?" she sighed.

"About another hour. Want something to drink?"

"Yeah, I could use some Gin and Tonic about now."

Immediately after she spoke the words, Ryan's face transformed into a look of alarm and concern. He stared at her, frightened.

"Kidding!" she laughed.

A relieving sigh faintly escaped his mouth, but it was obvious that he was still scared for her. He knew her too well to believe that she really was kidding. In her current situation, he was fully aware that she was overly tempted to sneak away in the corner and waste herself away. It was something he had been anxious about ever since they found out she was moving, and was one of the reasons why he hadn't left her side.

"Right."

He smiled slightly and walked to the open bar, a feeling of nervousness jolting through his stomach. Leaving her alone created an uneasiness of the depressed feeling that his presence kept away. Sometimes it pained him to think he was the only reason she was still living sanely and staying afloat.

Ryan shook the thoughts out of his mind and made his way to the front of the counter, ordering two non-alcoholic drinks. If Marissa was going to stop drinking, he would do it with her. Still, he couldn't help but feel a slight temptation for the Seven and Seven resting innocently on a near by cocktail napkin. Ryan's eyes followed the bubbling whiskey as it made its way from a set of long prune like fingers to a narrowed pair of dark plum lips.

Julie Cooper drank Seven and Sevens.

The carbonation pricked her tongue, and she was on the verge of relishing the settling taste when the pair of eyes fell on her. Suddenly, like a thief being caught red handed, she turned her head to the incriminating witness.

"Ryan…" her sharp tone rang of surprise.

"Riverside special?" he asked flatly, staring at the soda tap in front of him.

"No. That would be two Jello shots followed immediately by an ounce of rum," she replied honestly.

Ryan briefly made eye contact with her before turning back to the bar. She did have a sense of humor when she wanted to.

"What would cause you to order a drink like that at your own party?"

"I like the way it tastes, _Ryan_. Nothing more."

Her villainous tone almost made him break out into a small fit pathetic laughter. Without any hesitation, he turned to her, an amused smile playing across his face.

"Wasn't there a time when you actually liked me?" he asked.

"Yes. When my daughter was hooking up with the yard boy to get back at me."

Ryan's face fell. He had a feeling this wasn't turning into the lighthearted tease of a conversation that he had expected.

"Let's face it Ryan. You were the only person this year that Marissa didn't use to spite me. That, is, until now."

"What does that mean?"

"Do you really think that Marissa is happy with you? It's a wonder she can bare to look at you after what she did."

Ryan swallowed visibly at the reference to Trey. He stared straight through her eyes, refusing the dagger-like intimidation that attempted to break him.

"I love your daughter," he asserted.

"I know. Which is impressive, Ryan. I never knew someone could be so in love that they'd actually date the murderer of their brother."

After she spoke the words, her eyes began to quiver in self consciousness. She realized how harsh they been, but even so the cruelty was familiar. By this point in her life, after using a brutal approach in every rough situation, Julie Cooper had become immune to social tact. It wasn't until after the words escaped her mouth that they realized what a large impact they had.

"I've gotta go," Ryan stammered shakily.

He walked past her, letting his feet sweep briskly across the long tile span to the door. His mind was clouded with a bitter confusion that had left him a week ago. She was the murderer of his brother. As Ryan reached the stone steps in front of the building, his rampant breathing began to slow down. He began to feel petrified, haunted. It showed in his nervous eyes, scanning the parking lot for his only means of escape. He spotted the large black Range Rover and ran to it hurriedly, thrusting the keys into the side of the door. With one last look at the busy party, Ryan jumped into the front seat and drove off. There was only one place he could think to go. The car rolled over the freshly laid concrete and onto the narrow back roads, leaving behind the phoniness of Newport Beach.

XXX

Marissa's face rung heavily with disgust as her mother turned towards her. She had gone to see if Ryan was okay with the drinks, only to find him running away at Julie's words. They hurt her to hear, but they would destroy him. The topic of Trey's death struck an unstable nerve inside of Ryan. It probably always would. Now he was gone and she was alone, all to the credit of Julie Cooper.

"Marissa…" her mother spoke with obvious surprise.

"How could you say that?" she managed in a low breaking voice.

No answer came. And Marissa didn't expect one, because there wasn't a single coherent response that would dull her anger. The only response her mother could muster was a hard, self conscious swallow.

"Why would you do that to him?"

Her voice was pleading, torturing the string of guilt that ran through Julie's mind.

Desperate to reconcile the grief that had cast over her daughter's face, Julie grabbed the trembling set of hands and held them close to her, stroking the clammy texture with her thumbs. From a distance it looked like a mother bonding heartily with her offspring. From the right angle however, it looked like a failed attempt to sew together the pieces of a broken relationship. Julie returned to the conversation with a thought less about herself and more about her daughter.

"I know what I said was wrong. But he left Marissa. Doesn't that tell you enough already?"

"He left because you drove him out of here!"

She paused, letting the sharpness of the last words echo in her mother's brain and her own. After collecting a deep breath, she smacked her lips together and formed the biting thought that would soon be withdrawn from her mouth. Once composed, she began to speak.

"You know what the worst part is?" she asked, watching the saddened look of defeat cross over her mother's eyes. When no response came to the rhetorical question, Marissa dropped her voice to a barely audible whisper. The sincere despair vibrated through each heavy syllable as she spoke the very words-

"You're driving me away too."

For a few seconds, the impact this had was too strong for a wordy protest to crush. Instead, Julie looked absently to the floor, where sharp heels could be heard bouncing from table to table. She regained her composure, bringing the sense of objective back to the front of her mind. Facing her daughter once again, the words surfaced in a low, tentative voice.

"You can think that, Marissa. But you'll see, this family is the most precious thing you have."

"Yeah well, that's too bad."

"What do you mean?" Julie questioned.

"I guess I'm losing our precious family. Because, I'm not moving."

It was stubborn, and she knew her mom would find it laughable. The greatest reaction that Marissa expected to receive was a generous overflow of aggravation, but nothing more. And unfortunately, the first response was quite along the lines she had expected. Unbelieving and humored.

"Right. Well, we'll see how you manage that. As an 17-year-old girl with nowhere to go and no power."

By this point, Marissa was bubbling with anger. She had toyed with the idea before, but now it was a confirmation that seemed realer than a hopeless wish.

"That's not true. I can file an emancipation case."

"You'd never."

Marissa swallowed noticeably, a sign of the courage she tried not to choke over. Her pained face told of the answer that Julie didn't want to hear. If she couldn't stay in Newport under the will of her parents, Marissa would fight to break free from their restrain. No mother wanted to admit that their child would deliberately split the bond of their family, no matter how dysfunctional they were. Worse was knowing their child had reason to leave. They matched tearful gazes, remorse echoing both sides of the wrenching stare.

"_I wish we hadn't become this," Marissa thought to herself._

Julie stepped forward, embarrassed by the rippling texture of her saddened voice.

"How did we become this?" she asked.

"I…don't know."

A small part of Marissa wanted it to be day outside. The lazy sun would melt over the wooden boards that lined the stores of the pier, and she would link her arm through the sophisticated one next to her. They would window shop with a desire for something more than a new pair of Armani sunglasses. They would be buying aimless time together, bringing back affection that only a mother and daughter could share.

A small part of Marissa wanted it to be day outside, when she could remold a bond with her mother under a care free, feather blue sky. A larger part of her felt the urgency in her boyfriend's absence, his shaky mind fumbling through stretches of the diamond lit night.

Her skin absorbed the single tear that fell crookedly down her face, and she turned away from the life she knew.


End file.
